Donnerstag, Dezember 30, 2004


“Health- what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down”
-Phyllis Diller

Prosit! And Happy New Year to one and all!

I’d like to say it’s been a busy time and that’s why I haven’t written any ‘real’ posts of late… but that would not be altogether true. Although I guess I have been keeping rather busy, between work, the Stingers, the boy, and avoiding being home. Gotten rather good at that one. I think it’s more a case of just not feeling like it. Not enough creative ‘juice’ running through those veins, Sass?

As previously mentioned, I love this time of year for its reflective qualities. I have, since I was about 12, written an end of year essay of sorts, summarizing what has happened in that past particular year. I’ll have to dig some of the best of the old ones up and post ‘em! I suppose the post from Dec. 10th does it justice. Half bad, half good. Looking forward to more goodness in the year to come. May it replenish and overflow all of your cups.

Dienstag, Dezember 28, 2004


Best MSN name this week (my friend Matt):

HAM AND EGGS: a day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig

My first online fortune cookie:

“Your winsome smile will be your sure protection”

Best Quote (found on a calendar on the fridge where I’m house-sitting):

“One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what we are doing”

Listening to:

Sade - Lover’s Rock

Oh, and a hearty welcome to all the eye catchers (new link list on the left)…
Nice to know ya!

p.s. to help victims of the Tsunami please go to

Freitag, Dezember 24, 2004

Quote 'O the Day

"The true joy of life is being used for a purpose.
Recognized by yourself as a mighty one"

-George Bernanrd Shaw
1925 Nobel Prize Winner

Instructions for Life (abridged version)

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
2. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want
3. When you say “I’m sorry” look the person in the eye
4. Believe in love at first sight
5. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams
6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.
7. Talk slowly but think quickly
8. Call your mom
9. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson
10. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
11. Spend some time alone
12. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home
13. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality
14. Be gentle with the earth
15. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
16. Never interrupt when you are being flattered
17. Mind your own business
18. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before
19. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck
20. Remember that your character is your destiny
21. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

Donnerstag, Dezember 23, 2004

Found this on someone's blog, who found it on

To my married and unmarried friends:

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.

But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs.

Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.

When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, would be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t t help doing so. I moved Dew s hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.

Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn’t t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? .

I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! At that night, we didn’t t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.

To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce that had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer. A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast.

When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t t want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile.

I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I were holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her.

Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.

She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs.

Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t t value the details of life, not because we didn’t t love each other any more.

Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.

So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite.

The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I

smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Montag, Dezember 20, 2004

My friends get me into trouble

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Mario.I am Mario.

I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Freitag, Dezember 17, 2004

Blessings abound

I can’t believe it’s Christmas in a week. Where has the time gone? Where is the snow, for that matter? No that it matters, we do enjoy our Chinooks around here- it’s going to be +13 or something crazy like that on Sunday. And I got to enjoy snow just yesterday on the ski hill- I even ate some on one wipeout, I think. I had a snow moustache. Besides a few proud bruises and sore muscles, I survived my first day out this season. There’s nothing like it in the whole world- swooshing down the slopes, choosing your course, trying to remember to breathe (usually halfway down). Exhilarating. Kind of like falling in love, I’d say…

Ahem. Back to the subject at hand. The holiday, and what it means to us. What it really comes down to, in a nutshell, is spending time with my family. That’s it. Curled up on the sofa, after dinner, wrapping paper strewn from one end of the living room to the other. The pleasantly full feeling from the meal we just prepared and ate and the love for these people welling up inside you like a wave. Pretty simple, really. Enjoy, share, and look out for one another. Count your blessings.

May you all have many to count.

Dienstag, Dezember 14, 2004

A message from one who has guided me

This comes from Maggie Hanna of

and it really made sense to me. Please feel free to contact her about life coaching (she is offering a free teleclass January 26th, 7 p.m. Mountain Time).

“It is said that how something starts, is how it will go, and how it will end. Okay. One more time with feeling!.... It is said that how something starts, is how it will go, and how it will end. What an excellent time to be mindful of the seeds we are planting in our lives and the lives of others. What if we knew, as we wade into the crowds, that our state (frustration and rushed, or open-hearted and present) is setting the stage for how our celebration will go. What if we understood that how we begin the New Year sets a resonance for how the whole year will go and how it will end. Might that be an incentive to be mindful of how we are in the world at this special time of year.”

I drew this Runestone last night

while I was catching up with Louise:


The starting point is always innocence. This Rune serves as a gentle reminder of the wholeness and simplicity we knew at our beginnings, and as a promise that we are finally coming home. For Innocence is our first nature, and from it flow all possible right relationships- with ourselves, with others and with the Divine.

Receiving this Rune acknowledges the long road you have traveled to arrive where you are today. Remember to honour yourself and those who have guided you. Allow yourself to feel, once again, the joy of Innocence, and know that you are being healed. For it is through healing that we reclaim our lost Innocence.

Use this day to simplify your life. Bring harmony where you find discord and balance where there is none. Take a moment for a prayer of remembrance and thanksgiving, a prayer offered up in childlike Innocence.

Let the Innocence you are feeling speak to the Innocence in everyone you meet.

Montag, Dezember 13, 2004

Freitag, Dezember 10, 2004

year in rear view

Started a fresh new journal last night, on the train, on the way to the Deep South to meet my mom for a movie. A solid half hour to myself, undisturbed! Not a lot of people start conversations with you on the train. Especially if you look like you’re deeply engrossed in something. Which I was. With my thoughts.

Starting this year in review in mein kopf. This year is certainly ending much differently than how it begun.

Bloody fingertips, that’s how it began. From popping umpteen bottles of bubbly at a catering function gone horribly wrong. It really sucks when you’re not doing the booze and the people who are end up being completely disorganized and incompetent. Especially on New Years! People. Need. Booze.

Miserable. Those few months spent in Mission, making the long commute out to the kitchen for 10 hour days. Quite grueling, really. Wrestling with my moods. My sanity. OEM not exactly providing much in the way of support. Sucking even more out of me, truth be told.

Yeah, the first half of the year wasn’t too much to write home about. Or to anyone else, for that matter, except maybe Dear Abby.

1st of June. New beginnings. New place. Broken Heart. It healed. Getting smarter. Getting stronger.

Turning 30. Having a shower moment. Wondering if my barren womb will ever be used for that which it was intended. Turning points.

Like a canoe on the verge of tipping, that’s what our relationship felt like. While the river was calm, loving it. Soaking up the sun. Enjoying each other’s everything.

Then we had to hit the rapids, didn’t we? Sort of inevitable, really. Two worlds colliding once again. It’s a wonder nobody drowned.

Gasping for air. I was not so much a fish out of water as a reverted mermaid growing her land legs again. Testing them out.

… a couple of months (and stumbles) later making some purposeful strides. Letting the inner light shine out. Glimpses of brilliance so bright you have to squint.

Letting new relationships in. Letting go of old ones no longer useful.

Knowing the purpose that lies deep within, patiently awaiting its chance to finally emerge. And let me be me.

The way I want it to be.

Defining moment of 2004? Tree hugging in Stanley Park. Almost an afterthought, really. Just about forgot to complete my mission. It sure felt good- arms stretched out as far as they would reach. The rough bark against my fingertips- long since healed from their New Years lashings.

Becoming more alive. Recognizing the moments that will make up the memories I will look back and smile about. Creating more of those moments. Savoring them when they happen. Serendipity. The rhythm of the music moving inside of me, touching my soul. That place inside that is pure feeling. No thought involved, or required. Or even desired.

What it must feel like to fly. Stretch out those wings and soar. Trust the wind, let it lift you up, up, and swoop! Through the valleys. Rising above it all, and leaving all worries behind.

Pain. Suffering. Need. Want. Who needs it? Certainly not the one with the birds eye view.

Mittwoch, Dezember 08, 2004


I didn’t realize I was missing until I realized that I was.
There has been a void of late, right smack dab in the middle.
I think it comes down to time, or lack of it, to myself. Intentions are good, but the follow through sorely lacking. That’s one reason why I love this time of year though. The ending of one, the beginning of another. Time to wrap it up, summarize, move on to bigger and better aspirations. They’re-a-coming. Believe me. Much is in the brewing and making right now. More than I think I even realize myself.
Give me some time. Some good old fashioned hours on end blocks of time. I may need several to get this job done. But I will.

Freitag, Dezember 03, 2004

All you need is

[info]sassy girl is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Mittwoch, Dezember 01, 2004

Und ploetzlich weisst du

... es ist Zeit etwas neues anzufangen und das Zauber des Anfangs zu vertrauen.