Mittwoch, Oktober 27, 2004
Five, this month will have a quieter vibe and a slower pace. This influence is not conducive to partying with superficial people and experiencing frivolous pleasure. This is a good time to do some detailed research and delve into the heart of matters. By looking within, and with study and reflection, the answers you are looking for will be apparent. It would be a good idea to be alone as much as possible if you are able. That may be hard for you, but it will be good for your spirit. Seek out people are wise, thoughtful and a positive influence.
Dienstag, Oktober 26, 2004
Trying to figure out my life. It has been weighing on me for quite some time now.
I pretty much have it figured out (and so I should, having spent 30 years on this earth). It's about achieving a balance between what I know my life direction is (and what is ultimately "good" for me) and the detours that I purposely take along the way. You know what? It's more fun that way.
Procrastination is a fine art.
Looking after myself. Remember the Mantra Kim (OBF)* left for you on the yellow postit: Healthy Choices!
I feel like I'm going through another one of those extremely intense phases (last seen at Emerald Lake "As the Snow Flies") multiplied by a few times!
It is a time for growing, learning, exploring...
Still so unsettled. Well, it HAS been quite a turbulent time these past years. Changing countries, gettin' divorced, reverse culture shock- after 9 years in that place. More recently rediscovering my career, making a home in my old hometown.
Wow- what a completely different existence THAT was. It hits me sometimes like a ton of bricks. Boom! Zerquetscht!
Why do I like being in this state? The thoughts flow. Sometimes even eloquently.
I take a step back from myself. Most always gaining some amount of perspective on the current situation. Refocusing on the big picture. What's really important.
Being happy and healthy
Combining all of the right elements in your life:
a fulilling career
... Eventually finding an equal and loving partner?
Deep breath. And out. That's all you need to know. There is a life force, an all-encompassing masterfully powerful universal force that guides the way.
Letting go. Letting it happen. WHATEVER "it" turns out to be:
- a hot & steamy pen pal in Whistler
- a new best friend (NBF)*
Oh yeah. Gonna get waxed and drink some wine.
Ein bischen quatchen
Und alles, was danach kommt
Sonntag, Oktober 24, 2004
#1 reason: My Louise is on her way to visit me right now! It was a little over a year ago that we took that fateful journey, from Field, B.C. to the beautiful island of P.E.I. It was about a 5300 km trip, in her 'beast' of a car. But we made it! And we made a lot of memories on the way. She and her Golf Pro honey are going to stop in for a few days on their way to do some job searching in the equally beautiful but completely different Okanogan region.
* fateful: causing ruin and destruction (just looked it up in the Roget's)
hmmm... maybe not quite the right adjective to describe that trip, unless you believe the Goddess Shiva's notion that everything must be destroyed in order to be reborn.
#2 reason: I get to go two-stepping. Yup, found myself a Cowboy (who happens to be a drummer in a band). After working a disastrous wedding and spontaneous decision to visit the local watering hole. Which later turned into a kitchen party complete with dancing sock foot, being flipped backwards and upside down ("Yeah, there's enough room in here"...) and an impromptu game of strip poker.
So if I'm really lucky (and the stars are lined up right) the two events may happen simultaneously.
Best moment of the weekend: when my mom was presented with her very own Soccer Jersey with "FAN" written on the back at our wind down & back up festivities Saturday evening. She is truly our #1, indoor & out, she rarely misses a game, and once even gave me the shoes off her very feet so I could play (I had forgotten mine at home).
I am so lucky.
p.s. Welcome to the world, Jess & Brian's Bouncing Baby Boy Isaac!
Mittwoch, Oktober 20, 2004
It seems, you write it down, it comes to fruition.
Fruit = Grapes = Summerhill = Wish
See? I’m not mad after all! A little crazy? Yeah. It helps in this world.
Where were we… life floating by. How appropriate!
I have long believed that it’s all about balance. I distinctly remember my ex-husband (he with the feet firmly planted on the ground, whilst I had my head in the clouds…) asking me what I wanted out of life. His response? “Harmonie” (We spoke German together). Balance. Ying & Yang. You know?
It’s when we forget/neglect this balance that we get sick. Dis-ease. Uncomfortable in one’s surroundings, in one’s own skin.
You’re not at the right place & time, not in alignment with the way the universe is. Plain & simple.
How to get back to equilibrium? Find your centre again?
Focus. Breathe. Meditate. Get outside in nature. Go for a drive. Hug someone. Take a hot bath. Have a cup of tea. Play some music. Light some candles.
All of the above. Your own thing. Whatever you need to do to come back to you. Remember the sacred. The beloved. How so very often do we forget! It’s blown completely out the window. Gone. What is truly important? What each and every one of us is striving towards during our time on this earth?
I’ll leave you to ponder.
Montag, Oktober 18, 2004
As soon as I saw the fat flakes float past my kitchen window, I was instantaneously reminded of last winter and the one before, in my beautiful mountain paradise. My relationship to snow has been forever altered having had the pleasure of living there, amongst the tall pines and majestic peaks.
Snow in the city is definitely a different experience all together- but I find myself not minding at all that the car is in the shop (indefinitely) this week. I am much preferring to walk.
Extremely low key weekend- the calmest in months, I’d venture to say. With no extra shifts!
My single requirement on Saturday: show up at the Ship at 3:00. (Ok, it was closer to 4 by the time we strolled in, to live music no less!) That place is so near and dear to my heart, mostly due to the unique individuals you get the opportunity to encounter, usually by bumming cigarettes after your 3rd or 4th pint.
Watched 2 DVDs yesterday- both turned out to be Canadian and to my utter amazement one was absolutely incredible. One of those films that stays with you for hours and days afterwards. Makes you reevaluate your life and the day to day decisions you make. It’s called “My life without me” and I highly recommend it (be prepared for a good cry).
In other (I consider exciting) news, I finally sorted through that monster drawer of paperwork that has been haunting me. Maybe it was the remark made by Island Girl as she was leaving Sunday noonish, “Clutter, so not good for Feng Shui”.
All right, Serenity, I’m ready for you!
Donnerstag, Oktober 14, 2004
1. My wine issue
2. My two sidedness
3. Saying and doing
Well, I have just a few comments to make in my defense.
'tis an inebriated rebuttal, but nonetheless, I feel I must make it.
OK, out of the past 7 days, I may have been indulging 5 of them. Not bad odds, you might say
Here we go. Giving thanks, it seems, required a wee bit of liquid courage this year. That, and I had easy access to my stash from Summerhill. I should really add a wine review section to this thing.
Enough said. The reality is, Wine happens. Harvest Season. U know?
Moving right along... (One really shouldn't be allowed to post, in this condition) to 2 sidedness. The Twin in me. Zwilling bin ich. Aber richtig.
Yes, there is a side to me that is 100% kindergarten teacher. Which I have been called two or three times in as many years, factually speaking.
The other side is much darker, deeper. The side that comes out when I'm challenging myself. On the edge. But still kinda in control. Almost.
I say things like 'you need to know someone a long time before you figure them out' . Then meet someone, look into their eyes and see their souls instead. And there it is, the exception to the rule. You. And you. And you.
They say (whoever they is) that you go through cycles in your life. About every seven years. I must have started a new one recently, because the shifts that have taken place, particularly pertaining to the relationships in my life, sure is true to the evolution.
Mittwoch, Oktober 13, 2004
Restoration, rebuilding of belief in yourself, in your life, in your relationship with the Divine.
Love grows when trust is present. I love you and I trust you are two stones for crossing the same stream.
Each time you face the issue of trust, you are being asked to grow. When you push through your fears and trust your feelings, you do grow- and Trust grows in you.
Take the first step, reclaim the lost Trust you once cherished and thrived upon. We are born to live our lives in Trust. Let no one tell you differently.
The breath of Heaven is everywhere Trust is.
Sonntag, Oktober 10, 2004
It feels like I have been eating and drinking (and, of course, the being merry that natrually occurs whilst taking part in the first two) non stop since Friday noon. Oh wait, I have!
It has been a fabulous Thanks Giving Weekend and I find myself with more than usual (or what could possibly be my share) of Things To Be Thankful For. A wonderful family to share it with, fantastic friends to have oh so much fun with, a job that I love to go to, even tho tomorrow is supposedly a holiday. Yeah, well, the Americans are silly and celebrate theirs next month.
I say the sooner the better. Celebrating wise.
So as we continue the caloric intake tally (the girls are back from the store with the forgotten but oh so necessary whipped cream for the ole Pumpkin Pie) I shall sign off with one wish:
That you have all had the good fortune to take some time to give thanks this weekend for all that is good. Prost!
Freitag, Oktober 08, 2004
Q. Describe yourself in seven words?
A. Sassy. Sexy. Sensuous. Silly. Simply living life.
Q. What keeps you awake at night?
A. The fan on the furnace
Q. What is the most important lesson you ever learned?
A. Let go and let God
Q. The most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
A. Sunset over the ocean,
Q. The most ridiculous advice you've ever been given?
A. You can’t change men like you change your socks
Q. The harshest criticism you've ever received?
A. That I’m too nice, and get taken advantage of for it.
Q. The compliment that has made you smile the most?
A. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, and your pants, and your hat, and your…”
Q. Words of wisdom?
A. Make yourself your first priority
Q. Is happiness contagious?
Q. Anything else...
A. Don’t let the small stuff get you down. Remember the big picture.
She entered my life at the ripe young age of 12. I had changed schools for the sixth grade, attempting to escape the rich mean kids I had endured for 1-5. Sometime between sneaking eye shadow in the girl’s bathroom and belting out Whitney and Corey Hart on the school bus, we developed a bond stronger than any other I have had the good fortune to experience and one that is still intact today.
We have been through so much together. Joys and sorrows, laughter and pain. She is the one person in this world who can read my mood by hearing me utter a single word. Although our lives are so different now, she married with two babes and me swingin’ single, we still connect and share as we always have.
She is the one I called sobbing when I found that horrible pic of the ex with the internet whore (the nail in the coffin, she so aptly put it), the one I called when I got the job of my dreams. The one who always believed in me and my endless possibilities, my own personal cheerleader with a permanent spot on the sidelines of my life.
There is nothing more soothing to my soul than being invited to her home, sharing a meal, reading her daughter some bedtime stories (and being requested to sing a song, if I’m lucky, “do you know twinkle twinkle?” she said last time). The settling down in the basement with our cups of tea after they’re asleep and ‘catching up’. This past time she said to me “you have finally come home”, meaning I am living my authentic life, being happy in my own skin. I have, I am and I’m so glad you made the journey with me.
Dienstag, Oktober 05, 2004
Music is what moves me. Motivates me. Makes me go. That and a little caffeine. Preferably in the form of Green Tea. Not those jumbo size Starbucks that have me hummin’ like a hummer till 3:00 in the afternoon. ZAP! Although I guess once in awhile that extra push is needed.
But mostly its music and music alone is enough to get a move on. I haven’t owned/watched a tv in several years now, probably not since I left D-land 3 ½ years ago. Can’t concentrate. Even have to be in the right kind of mood to last a whole movie. My mind tends to wander.
But music- it can wake you up, transport you on a wavelike magic carpet ride of emotions, memories sometimes even revelations. Especially the Random button- put 5 in and hit it! Never fails to find the right combination for your present state of mind. Up when you need it. Mellow when you need it too. Introspective as all get out, or sing your heart out. Sometimes Simultaneously. Like Simon & Garfunkel.
Soul soothing. Foot tapping. Set it free. Set it off.
Montag, Oktober 04, 2004
I enjoy a close bond with my hairdresser. Sitting in that chair is not unlike sitting on the sofa at the Psychiatrists office...
It was fun. I got to dress up, get my hair done, and dance! (Oh, and drink, did I mention that part?) A girly girl's dream come true. Even got to choose from the manicurists wide selection of Opi colours: I chose Altar Ego.
He actually cut it almost all off this time. Talked me into red(ish) HL amongst the blondy blonde. I love it. Hello, Pixiehood!
It is critical to have absolute faith & trust in a handful of professionals in your life: your Dr, Lawyer, Massage Therapist/Acupuncturist, Accountant... And you Michel, Merci!
Freitag, Oktober 01, 2004
I am really early for yoga. I’m usually early, but this is ridiculous- most likely on purpose, sub-consciously. The waiting area is a very soothing/calming zen like space. Smells nice (they have all kinds of aromatherapy stuff for sale). A round window on a lavender wall frames an orchid- white with a pink middle. There is one of those little mini sand/rock gardens with a tiny rake on one of the tables- I’ll have to try it out one of these days. Settled on the nice soft cream coloured leather couch, listening to Primal Scream/Trainspotting on the discman. Yes, I like being early for yoga.
This is my third class here, and it’s going well. I am better able to focus each time. Just as I wrote that last sentence, I looked to my left and saw a sentence from a brochure that they have framed, and it reads:
“it’s time to focus on you”
How eerily accurate.
I feel so good today, and I haven’t even started class yet! I guess it’s partly due to a good night’s sleep, after an equally productive/relaxing day off yesterday. Only my second one in exactly three weeks. Not enough! Time to slow down. Maybe after some of these Oktoberfest functions at the GCC- it just sounds like too much fun to pass up. Can’t wait to try my dirndl on again- was even toying with the idea of wearing it to the interview. Nuts? Definitely.