Donnerstag, Dezember 30, 2004
Prosit! And Happy New Year to one and all!
I’d like to say it’s been a busy time and that’s why I haven’t written any ‘real’ posts of late… but that would not be altogether true. Although I guess I have been keeping rather busy, between work, the Stingers, the boy, and avoiding being home. Gotten rather good at that one. I think it’s more a case of just not feeling like it. Not enough creative ‘juice’ running through those veins, Sass?
As previously mentioned, I love this time of year for its reflective qualities. I have, since I was about 12, written an end of year essay of sorts, summarizing what has happened in that past particular year. I’ll have to dig some of the best of the old ones up and post ‘em! I suppose the post from Dec. 10th does it justice. Half bad, half good. Looking forward to more goodness in the year to come. May it replenish and overflow all of your cups.
Dienstag, Dezember 28, 2004
HAM AND EGGS: a day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig
My first online fortune cookie:
“Your winsome smile will be your sure protection”
Best Quote (found on a calendar on the fridge where I’m house-sitting):
“One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what we are doing”
Sade - Lover’s Rock
Oh, and a hearty welcome to all the eye catchers (new link list on the left)…
Nice to know ya!
p.s. to help victims of the Tsunami please go to www.unicef.ca www.redcross.ca
Freitag, Dezember 24, 2004
2. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want
3. When you say “I’m sorry” look the person in the eye
4. Believe in love at first sight
5. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams
6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.
7. Talk slowly but think quickly
8. Call your mom
9. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson
10. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
11. Spend some time alone
12. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home
13. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality
14. Be gentle with the earth
15. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
16. Never interrupt when you are being flattered
17. Mind your own business
18. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before
19. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck
20. Remember that your character is your destiny
21. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
Donnerstag, Dezember 23, 2004
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, would be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t t help doing so. I moved Dew s hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew s body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.
Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn’t t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? .
I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! At that night, we didn’t t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce that had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer. A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast.
When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible.
Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t t want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile.
I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I were holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn’t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs.
Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t t value the details of life, not because we didn’t t love each other any more.
Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.
So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite.
The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.
Montag, Dezember 20, 2004
I am Mario.
I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?
Freitag, Dezember 17, 2004
Ahem. Back to the subject at hand. The holiday, and what it means to us. What it really comes down to, in a nutshell, is spending time with my family. That’s it. Curled up on the sofa, after dinner, wrapping paper strewn from one end of the living room to the other. The pleasantly full feeling from the meal we just prepared and ate and the love for these people welling up inside you like a wave. Pretty simple, really. Enjoy, share, and look out for one another. Count your blessings.
May you all have many to count.
Dienstag, Dezember 14, 2004
and it really made sense to me. Please feel free to contact her about life coaching (she is offering a free teleclass January 26th, 7 p.m. Mountain Time).
“It is said that how something starts, is how it will go, and how it will end. Okay. One more time with feeling!.... It is said that how something starts, is how it will go, and how it will end. What an excellent time to be mindful of the seeds we are planting in our lives and the lives of others. What if we knew, as we wade into the crowds, that our state (frustration and rushed, or open-hearted and present) is setting the stage for how our celebration will go. What if we understood that how we begin the New Year sets a resonance for how the whole year will go and how it will end. Might that be an incentive to be mindful of how we are in the world at this special time of year.”
The starting point is always innocence. This Rune serves as a gentle reminder of the wholeness and simplicity we knew at our beginnings, and as a promise that we are finally coming home. For Innocence is our first nature, and from it flow all possible right relationships- with ourselves, with others and with the Divine.
Receiving this Rune acknowledges the long road you have traveled to arrive where you are today. Remember to honour yourself and those who have guided you. Allow yourself to feel, once again, the joy of Innocence, and know that you are being healed. For it is through healing that we reclaim our lost Innocence.
Use this day to simplify your life. Bring harmony where you find discord and balance where there is none. Take a moment for a prayer of remembrance and thanksgiving, a prayer offered up in childlike Innocence.
Let the Innocence you are feeling speak to the Innocence in everyone you meet.
Freitag, Dezember 10, 2004
Starting this year in review in mein kopf. This year is certainly ending much differently than how it begun.
Bloody fingertips, that’s how it began. From popping umpteen bottles of bubbly at a catering function gone horribly wrong. It really sucks when you’re not doing the booze and the people who are end up being completely disorganized and incompetent. Especially on New Years! People. Need. Booze.
Miserable. Those few months spent in Mission, making the long commute out to the kitchen for 10 hour days. Quite grueling, really. Wrestling with my moods. My sanity. OEM not exactly providing much in the way of support. Sucking even more out of me, truth be told.
Yeah, the first half of the year wasn’t too much to write home about. Or to anyone else, for that matter, except maybe Dear Abby.
1st of June. New beginnings. New place. Broken Heart. It healed. Getting smarter. Getting stronger.
Turning 30. Having a shower moment. Wondering if my barren womb will ever be used for that which it was intended. Turning points.
Like a canoe on the verge of tipping, that’s what our relationship felt like. While the river was calm, loving it. Soaking up the sun. Enjoying each other’s everything.
Then we had to hit the rapids, didn’t we? Sort of inevitable, really. Two worlds colliding once again. It’s a wonder nobody drowned.
Gasping for air. I was not so much a fish out of water as a reverted mermaid growing her land legs again. Testing them out.
… a couple of months (and stumbles) later making some purposeful strides. Letting the inner light shine out. Glimpses of brilliance so bright you have to squint.
Letting new relationships in. Letting go of old ones no longer useful.
Knowing the purpose that lies deep within, patiently awaiting its chance to finally emerge. And let me be me.
The way I want it to be.
Defining moment of 2004? Tree hugging in Stanley Park. Almost an afterthought, really. Just about forgot to complete my mission. It sure felt good- arms stretched out as far as they would reach. The rough bark against my fingertips- long since healed from their New Years lashings.
Becoming more alive. Recognizing the moments that will make up the memories I will look back and smile about. Creating more of those moments. Savoring them when they happen. Serendipity. The rhythm of the music moving inside of me, touching my soul. That place inside that is pure feeling. No thought involved, or required. Or even desired.
What it must feel like to fly. Stretch out those wings and soar. Trust the wind, let it lift you up, up, and swoop! Through the valleys. Rising above it all, and leaving all worries behind.
Pain. Suffering. Need. Want. Who needs it? Certainly not the one with the birds eye view.
Mittwoch, Dezember 08, 2004
There has been a void of late, right smack dab in the middle.
I think it comes down to time, or lack of it, to myself. Intentions are good, but the follow through sorely lacking. That’s one reason why I love this time of year though. The ending of one, the beginning of another. Time to wrap it up, summarize, move on to bigger and better aspirations. They’re-a-coming. Believe me. Much is in the brewing and making right now. More than I think I even realize myself.
Give me some time. Some good old fashioned hours on end blocks of time. I may need several to get this job done. But I will.
Freitag, Dezember 03, 2004
Mittwoch, Dezember 01, 2004
Dienstag, November 30, 2004
Montag, November 29, 2004
… till I picked it up on Thursday:
slot between the back seats for skis
the biggest glove compartment I have ever seen (you CAN fit a whole pharmacy in there)
All this and brand new kick ass snow tires.
OK, I’ll stop now. Hee hee.
Donnerstag, November 25, 2004
Hey , if I can recycle that gorgeous black velvet 70’s gown of me ma’s for my Christmas party, I can sure as hell recycle my engagement ring!
The trick, I heard, is to bury it overnight on a full moon. Hopefully the ground won’t be frozen tomorrow night! This action is said to cleanse it of any past emotional ties.
I fell in love with it, really. I’ll never forget the day we picked it up on that narrow cobble stoned street in Downtown Munich.
“We’re going shopping” we grinningly told our coworkers as we set out that March morning from Riessersee, above Garmish. We had collectively decided the purchase was necessary after being faced with two realities:
a) it would be a hell of a lot easier to get his ass into Canada (still ended up taking us 8 years…)
b) there was no way on earth that his Turkish/Muslim Ali Baba of a dad would let us live in sin.
So there we found ourselves. After a fabulous lunch at one of my favorite veggie eateries , standing at the street corner facing the jewelry shop.
“I need a ring for my girlfriend” he awkwardly told the Sales woman. “What kind of ring? “ she coyly asked, raising both an eyebrow and one corner of her richly lipsticked lips. “Just a ring”. Blushes.
I found it shortly after. I had maybe looked at a couple dozen, when I laid eyes on it and that was that. It’s very simple, actually. Just 3 small flat diamonds in a row on a rounded band of gold. I mistakenly thought the 7 was a 1 (‘cause they write them funny over there). Realizing too late- just after he had told the bemused and ever helpful Sales lady that we’d take it.
“Oh, no” I said, thinking this is NOT in the budget. And back and forth bobbed her head as the rebuttal ensued. “You only get engaged once in your life” I think is what he said. And that decided it. The ring was mine.
Well, officially a few minutes later, in the middle of walking down the street, pedestrians on both sides of us. Mr. Romantic hands me the little box with the red bow and says, “here, put it on”.
I’m like, “Right here? Right now? But you haven’t even asked me yet!”
“Asked you what?” he says with a big ass grin.
I remember my trembling fingers as I slipped it on my finger. The tears of joy as I hugged him. In the middle of that street.
Till I said “I have to call my mom” and off we went to find the Post Office.
p.s. Guess what finger I’m going to wear it on now?
Mittwoch, November 24, 2004
though young and strong is full of sloth,
whose will and thoughts are weak,
that lazy and idle man will never find the way to enlightenment.
strenuous is the path of immortality, sloth the path of death.
those who are strenuous do not die; those who are slothful are as if dead already.
Montag, November 22, 2004
Man, what a weekend! I worked 20 hours between leaving my regular job at 6 pm Friday and Saturday night. But what fun! We threw a Mardi Gras party for an accounting/consulting firm in this huge atrium right downtown. Complete with face painters, fortune tellers, ice sculptures, two or three different bands playing, and out of this world food. Got a butterfly painted on my cheek. I really do enjoy being a part of this company when we put stuff like this on (and pull it off). The next day was a little tedious, with hundreds of children running about, decorating gingerbread men and sitting on Santa’s lap. Then a surprise 60th b-day party that evening, with a maritime kitchen party theme. I woke up Sunday morning and everything hurt. Good thing I had no plans, just vegetated all day (laundry, a couple of movies) until my fateful visit to see the Queen Bee. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Freitag, November 19, 2004
And could it ever
Like a dragon
But with much bigger wings
This is day one
As is every day to come
An endless amount
It is one
Yup, I saw that movie again.
Mittwoch, November 17, 2004
Okay, so I broke down and got an artificial jobbie. You can’t blame me for trying though- drove all the way out to the garden center almost out of town to disappointedly find it under renovations. What I really wanted was a real one, in a pot, so I could plant it in the spring. Well, the thought was there. Reality? $8.98, from Wal-Mart, 24 inches tall, in a square shaped gold painted pot.
And I couldn’t be happier about how it turned out. Many years I endured a husband who did not partake in (except for his presents and the big meal parts) of my celebration of Christmas as I knew it. I dug the german way- the Christkindlmarkts, with their Gluehwein and freshly baked Lebkuchen, hand crafted ornaments, hundreds and hundreds of years of tradition. I miss the sights and smells of those places, wandering through the stalls all bundled up, stopping here and there to examine the wares.
It’s where I started collecting my angels. I counted 6 (and am sure there were more, at some point), and just a few gold coloured decorations- mini baubles, a strand each of little beads and stars. Our trees were never that big, corresponding to the amount of space we had in that tiny apartment. Until the year we moved to the farm! There, we had space galore, and a generous landlord who delivered a fine specimen one fine evening, freshly cut from the back 40.
How delighted I was! What a sourpuss my worst half was! He christened it that night, and it was forever known as “Scheiss Baum” from that day forth. Bloody Scrooge. Bygones!
Back to my lil tree this year. 2004. It’s got it goin' on. Cause you know what? It’s the most beautiful tree I’ve ever had. Let the season begin!
Dienstag, November 16, 2004
Witnessed a truly great feat in cinematic whatchamacallit last evening with my buddy Hans. Entitled "What the BLEEP do we know?" it's pretty darn indescribable, so I recommend you just go and see it. It's bound to affect you on some level, and make you ponder your very existence in this universe. How many mainstream flicks can you say that about nowadays?
Can't say I knew a single thing about quantum physics before yesterday, however am well acquainted with the theory behind positive thinking. Guess the two are related. All extremely interesting and I look forward to seeing it again this week.
That's all. Over and out.
Montag, November 15, 2004
is the message I left behind for my Kat. You never do take the good advice you so freely give to others, do you? In some countries they could call you a hypocrite, couldn't they? Nasty people.
Well, it has come to a full stop. Rien ne va plus. Too many winners in the horrible days contest in a row. Knocked on my ass scraped up (ever try picking astro turf out of a gash on your elbow? ewww) chewed up spit out okay I'M DONE. Hear me, y'all?
Enough Prescriptions filled! Or better yet, write MYSELF one. And get it filled. Fill your cup! To overflowing. Every day. It's about friggin time. As previously discussed, we do know the destination. It's following the route to get there without taking too many damaging detours.
Ha. Detours. Car metaphor. Well, you know what, honey? It's time for a trade in. Sadly, that old vehicle just isn't going to get you there, in the long run. No, Siree it ain't. So what are you moping about? Time to let go of the old, welcome in the new. In the form of a superbly up-kept BMW. Now doesn't that suit you better than (although will always remain sacred and special in your heart) the Saturn? Yes.
Yes. We know these things, deep inside. Instinctually. It's just a matter of letting go. Taking action. Excuse the theft from Nike (I'm sure they'll understand)... Just do it!
Not to dismiss the detours. They're fun. But keep the healthy boundaries intact whilst on them. Ja? Ja wohl.
If this sounds like complete nonsense, please disregard. I'll be back to my normal self once all the perscriptions have run their course.
Umm... what's 'normal' again?
Samstag, November 06, 2004
(bold the things you've done)
1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins.
3. Climbed a mountain. F*$& Yeah! Mt. Niles, Yoho National Park
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula.
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said 'I love you' and meant it thrice
9. Hugged a tree labour day we '04, Stanley Park
10. Done a striptease hmmm does strip poker count?
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris mais oui
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game hmm does the U of MT count?
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower Kananaskis
24. Gotten drunk on champagne New Years '92, Garmish... was supposed to be serving it
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill hello? its now called a mental health day
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip Oh, the glacier waters of Emerald
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking how's last night, with 13 other girls around a futon on the dance floor? Yeah, Baby!
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors freaking lived there 9 yrs
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip Where should I start?
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland AND saw leprechauns
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow close, a sheep
69. Alphabetized your records ummm, CD's
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day tomorrow's agenda in a nutshell
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your diary has discovered your diary
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better about to - Spring of '05
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites Troy & Ephesus, Turkey
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party Labour Day we '04 in Van... and whatta party it was!
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
just lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup!
98. Made cookies from scratch only!
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything ...bits & pieces
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
does Belfast count? There was a tank going down the street...
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
so wanted to- Lorena McKennitt after seeing her in Munich (96?)
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
kept the name "Cafe Prueckel" on the Ringstrasse in Vienna
132. Called or written your Congress
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle the back of one
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild hee hee hee
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery Wisdom Teeth count?
159. Had sex on a moving train mais oui
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours Percacet, I love you!
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
And have a plan to to celebrate Dad's Bday tomorrow. Happy Bday!!
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
Nurhead DID go veggie those few years...
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested
...I wonder what happened to # 40?
I love randomly clicking on that "next blog" arrow and dropping in on different folk's lives.
Should you happen to be one of those folks, Welcome! To the Americans among you, my condolences on your election. I heard that the Canadian immigration website has been experiencing unusually high page views this past week. Come on up! The more the merrier...
Freitag, November 05, 2004
Mittwoch, Oktober 27, 2004
Five, this month will have a quieter vibe and a slower pace. This influence is not conducive to partying with superficial people and experiencing frivolous pleasure. This is a good time to do some detailed research and delve into the heart of matters. By looking within, and with study and reflection, the answers you are looking for will be apparent. It would be a good idea to be alone as much as possible if you are able. That may be hard for you, but it will be good for your spirit. Seek out people are wise, thoughtful and a positive influence.
Dienstag, Oktober 26, 2004
Trying to figure out my life. It has been weighing on me for quite some time now.
I pretty much have it figured out (and so I should, having spent 30 years on this earth). It's about achieving a balance between what I know my life direction is (and what is ultimately "good" for me) and the detours that I purposely take along the way. You know what? It's more fun that way.
Procrastination is a fine art.
Looking after myself. Remember the Mantra Kim (OBF)* left for you on the yellow postit: Healthy Choices!
I feel like I'm going through another one of those extremely intense phases (last seen at Emerald Lake "As the Snow Flies") multiplied by a few times!
It is a time for growing, learning, exploring...
Still so unsettled. Well, it HAS been quite a turbulent time these past years. Changing countries, gettin' divorced, reverse culture shock- after 9 years in that place. More recently rediscovering my career, making a home in my old hometown.
Wow- what a completely different existence THAT was. It hits me sometimes like a ton of bricks. Boom! Zerquetscht!
Why do I like being in this state? The thoughts flow. Sometimes even eloquently.
I take a step back from myself. Most always gaining some amount of perspective on the current situation. Refocusing on the big picture. What's really important.
Being happy and healthy
Combining all of the right elements in your life:
a fulilling career
... Eventually finding an equal and loving partner?
Deep breath. And out. That's all you need to know. There is a life force, an all-encompassing masterfully powerful universal force that guides the way.
Letting go. Letting it happen. WHATEVER "it" turns out to be:
- a hot & steamy pen pal in Whistler
- a new best friend (NBF)*
Oh yeah. Gonna get waxed and drink some wine.
Ein bischen quatchen
Und alles, was danach kommt
Sonntag, Oktober 24, 2004
#1 reason: My Louise is on her way to visit me right now! It was a little over a year ago that we took that fateful journey, from Field, B.C. to the beautiful island of P.E.I. It was about a 5300 km trip, in her 'beast' of a car. But we made it! And we made a lot of memories on the way. She and her Golf Pro honey are going to stop in for a few days on their way to do some job searching in the equally beautiful but completely different Okanogan region.
* fateful: causing ruin and destruction (just looked it up in the Roget's)
hmmm... maybe not quite the right adjective to describe that trip, unless you believe the Goddess Shiva's notion that everything must be destroyed in order to be reborn.
#2 reason: I get to go two-stepping. Yup, found myself a Cowboy (who happens to be a drummer in a band). After working a disastrous wedding and spontaneous decision to visit the local watering hole. Which later turned into a kitchen party complete with dancing sock foot, being flipped backwards and upside down ("Yeah, there's enough room in here"...) and an impromptu game of strip poker.
So if I'm really lucky (and the stars are lined up right) the two events may happen simultaneously.
Best moment of the weekend: when my mom was presented with her very own Soccer Jersey with "FAN" written on the back at our wind down & back up festivities Saturday evening. She is truly our #1, indoor & out, she rarely misses a game, and once even gave me the shoes off her very feet so I could play (I had forgotten mine at home).
I am so lucky.
p.s. Welcome to the world, Jess & Brian's Bouncing Baby Boy Isaac!
Mittwoch, Oktober 20, 2004
It seems, you write it down, it comes to fruition.
Fruit = Grapes = Summerhill = Wish
See? I’m not mad after all! A little crazy? Yeah. It helps in this world.
Where were we… life floating by. How appropriate!
I have long believed that it’s all about balance. I distinctly remember my ex-husband (he with the feet firmly planted on the ground, whilst I had my head in the clouds…) asking me what I wanted out of life. His response? “Harmonie” (We spoke German together). Balance. Ying & Yang. You know?
It’s when we forget/neglect this balance that we get sick. Dis-ease. Uncomfortable in one’s surroundings, in one’s own skin.
You’re not at the right place & time, not in alignment with the way the universe is. Plain & simple.
How to get back to equilibrium? Find your centre again?
Focus. Breathe. Meditate. Get outside in nature. Go for a drive. Hug someone. Take a hot bath. Have a cup of tea. Play some music. Light some candles.
All of the above. Your own thing. Whatever you need to do to come back to you. Remember the sacred. The beloved. How so very often do we forget! It’s blown completely out the window. Gone. What is truly important? What each and every one of us is striving towards during our time on this earth?
I’ll leave you to ponder.
Montag, Oktober 18, 2004
As soon as I saw the fat flakes float past my kitchen window, I was instantaneously reminded of last winter and the one before, in my beautiful mountain paradise. My relationship to snow has been forever altered having had the pleasure of living there, amongst the tall pines and majestic peaks.
Snow in the city is definitely a different experience all together- but I find myself not minding at all that the car is in the shop (indefinitely) this week. I am much preferring to walk.
Extremely low key weekend- the calmest in months, I’d venture to say. With no extra shifts!
My single requirement on Saturday: show up at the Ship at 3:00. (Ok, it was closer to 4 by the time we strolled in, to live music no less!) That place is so near and dear to my heart, mostly due to the unique individuals you get the opportunity to encounter, usually by bumming cigarettes after your 3rd or 4th pint.
Watched 2 DVDs yesterday- both turned out to be Canadian and to my utter amazement one was absolutely incredible. One of those films that stays with you for hours and days afterwards. Makes you reevaluate your life and the day to day decisions you make. It’s called “My life without me” and I highly recommend it (be prepared for a good cry).
In other (I consider exciting) news, I finally sorted through that monster drawer of paperwork that has been haunting me. Maybe it was the remark made by Island Girl as she was leaving Sunday noonish, “Clutter, so not good for Feng Shui”.
All right, Serenity, I’m ready for you!
Donnerstag, Oktober 14, 2004
1. My wine issue
2. My two sidedness
3. Saying and doing
Well, I have just a few comments to make in my defense.
'tis an inebriated rebuttal, but nonetheless, I feel I must make it.
OK, out of the past 7 days, I may have been indulging 5 of them. Not bad odds, you might say
Here we go. Giving thanks, it seems, required a wee bit of liquid courage this year. That, and I had easy access to my stash from Summerhill. I should really add a wine review section to this thing.
Enough said. The reality is, Wine happens. Harvest Season. U know?
Moving right along... (One really shouldn't be allowed to post, in this condition) to 2 sidedness. The Twin in me. Zwilling bin ich. Aber richtig.
Yes, there is a side to me that is 100% kindergarten teacher. Which I have been called two or three times in as many years, factually speaking.
The other side is much darker, deeper. The side that comes out when I'm challenging myself. On the edge. But still kinda in control. Almost.
I say things like 'you need to know someone a long time before you figure them out' . Then meet someone, look into their eyes and see their souls instead. And there it is, the exception to the rule. You. And you. And you.
They say (whoever they is) that you go through cycles in your life. About every seven years. I must have started a new one recently, because the shifts that have taken place, particularly pertaining to the relationships in my life, sure is true to the evolution.
Mittwoch, Oktober 13, 2004
Restoration, rebuilding of belief in yourself, in your life, in your relationship with the Divine.
Love grows when trust is present. I love you and I trust you are two stones for crossing the same stream.
Each time you face the issue of trust, you are being asked to grow. When you push through your fears and trust your feelings, you do grow- and Trust grows in you.
Take the first step, reclaim the lost Trust you once cherished and thrived upon. We are born to live our lives in Trust. Let no one tell you differently.
The breath of Heaven is everywhere Trust is.
Sonntag, Oktober 10, 2004
It feels like I have been eating and drinking (and, of course, the being merry that natrually occurs whilst taking part in the first two) non stop since Friday noon. Oh wait, I have!
It has been a fabulous Thanks Giving Weekend and I find myself with more than usual (or what could possibly be my share) of Things To Be Thankful For. A wonderful family to share it with, fantastic friends to have oh so much fun with, a job that I love to go to, even tho tomorrow is supposedly a holiday. Yeah, well, the Americans are silly and celebrate theirs next month.
I say the sooner the better. Celebrating wise.
So as we continue the caloric intake tally (the girls are back from the store with the forgotten but oh so necessary whipped cream for the ole Pumpkin Pie) I shall sign off with one wish:
That you have all had the good fortune to take some time to give thanks this weekend for all that is good. Prost!
Freitag, Oktober 08, 2004
Q. Describe yourself in seven words?
A. Sassy. Sexy. Sensuous. Silly. Simply living life.
Q. What keeps you awake at night?
A. The fan on the furnace
Q. What is the most important lesson you ever learned?
A. Let go and let God
Q. The most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
A. Sunset over the ocean,
Q. The most ridiculous advice you've ever been given?
A. You can’t change men like you change your socks
Q. The harshest criticism you've ever received?
A. That I’m too nice, and get taken advantage of for it.
Q. The compliment that has made you smile the most?
A. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, and your pants, and your hat, and your…”
Q. Words of wisdom?
A. Make yourself your first priority
Q. Is happiness contagious?
Q. Anything else...
A. Don’t let the small stuff get you down. Remember the big picture.
She entered my life at the ripe young age of 12. I had changed schools for the sixth grade, attempting to escape the rich mean kids I had endured for 1-5. Sometime between sneaking eye shadow in the girl’s bathroom and belting out Whitney and Corey Hart on the school bus, we developed a bond stronger than any other I have had the good fortune to experience and one that is still intact today.
We have been through so much together. Joys and sorrows, laughter and pain. She is the one person in this world who can read my mood by hearing me utter a single word. Although our lives are so different now, she married with two babes and me swingin’ single, we still connect and share as we always have.
She is the one I called sobbing when I found that horrible pic of the ex with the internet whore (the nail in the coffin, she so aptly put it), the one I called when I got the job of my dreams. The one who always believed in me and my endless possibilities, my own personal cheerleader with a permanent spot on the sidelines of my life.
There is nothing more soothing to my soul than being invited to her home, sharing a meal, reading her daughter some bedtime stories (and being requested to sing a song, if I’m lucky, “do you know twinkle twinkle?” she said last time). The settling down in the basement with our cups of tea after they’re asleep and ‘catching up’. This past time she said to me “you have finally come home”, meaning I am living my authentic life, being happy in my own skin. I have, I am and I’m so glad you made the journey with me.
Dienstag, Oktober 05, 2004
Music is what moves me. Motivates me. Makes me go. That and a little caffeine. Preferably in the form of Green Tea. Not those jumbo size Starbucks that have me hummin’ like a hummer till 3:00 in the afternoon. ZAP! Although I guess once in awhile that extra push is needed.
But mostly its music and music alone is enough to get a move on. I haven’t owned/watched a tv in several years now, probably not since I left D-land 3 ½ years ago. Can’t concentrate. Even have to be in the right kind of mood to last a whole movie. My mind tends to wander.
But music- it can wake you up, transport you on a wavelike magic carpet ride of emotions, memories sometimes even revelations. Especially the Random button- put 5 in and hit it! Never fails to find the right combination for your present state of mind. Up when you need it. Mellow when you need it too. Introspective as all get out, or sing your heart out. Sometimes Simultaneously. Like Simon & Garfunkel.
Soul soothing. Foot tapping. Set it free. Set it off.
Montag, Oktober 04, 2004
I enjoy a close bond with my hairdresser. Sitting in that chair is not unlike sitting on the sofa at the Psychiatrists office...
It was fun. I got to dress up, get my hair done, and dance! (Oh, and drink, did I mention that part?) A girly girl's dream come true. Even got to choose from the manicurists wide selection of Opi colours: I chose Altar Ego.
He actually cut it almost all off this time. Talked me into red(ish) HL amongst the blondy blonde. I love it. Hello, Pixiehood!
It is critical to have absolute faith & trust in a handful of professionals in your life: your Dr, Lawyer, Massage Therapist/Acupuncturist, Accountant... And you Michel, Merci!
Freitag, Oktober 01, 2004
I am really early for yoga. I’m usually early, but this is ridiculous- most likely on purpose, sub-consciously. The waiting area is a very soothing/calming zen like space. Smells nice (they have all kinds of aromatherapy stuff for sale). A round window on a lavender wall frames an orchid- white with a pink middle. There is one of those little mini sand/rock gardens with a tiny rake on one of the tables- I’ll have to try it out one of these days. Settled on the nice soft cream coloured leather couch, listening to Primal Scream/Trainspotting on the discman. Yes, I like being early for yoga.
This is my third class here, and it’s going well. I am better able to focus each time. Just as I wrote that last sentence, I looked to my left and saw a sentence from a brochure that they have framed, and it reads:
“it’s time to focus on you”
How eerily accurate.
I feel so good today, and I haven’t even started class yet! I guess it’s partly due to a good night’s sleep, after an equally productive/relaxing day off yesterday. Only my second one in exactly three weeks. Not enough! Time to slow down. Maybe after some of these Oktoberfest functions at the GCC- it just sounds like too much fun to pass up. Can’t wait to try my dirndl on again- was even toying with the idea of wearing it to the interview. Nuts? Definitely.
Dienstag, September 28, 2004
22 days ago, I stood under the apex of the pyramid at the Summerhill Vineyards in Kelowna and made a wish. Apparently that is the incubation time for one to be granted.
It was the perfect ending to a fabulous weekend spent in (sunny!) Vancouver. My first trip there in 18 years. Being a total tourist. I fell in love with the place. UBC nestled out in its wilderness, the beaches (especially Jericho, where the hostel was), the Aquarium. I am such a kid. The part of Stanley Park that we strolled around that lovely afternoon. I had a mind to just enroll at the University and stay. Magical, I tell ya.
Anyway, when I made this wish a little over three weeks ago (with two delightful, polite yet non-believing travel companions, who allowed me to be the tree hugging free spirited princess I needed to be that weekend) I did not know that 22 days later would be the full moon.
Anniversaries mean a lot to me. I like to mark things by the day they happen, and celebrate that special beginning. The full moon signifies a coming together, of ideas & creativeness, of minds, bodies and souls.
So it would be fitting to mark this day as the beginning, celebrate it.
Walking across the sand
with a song in my heart
I have come back to the root
rediscovered something that
was always there
in the depths of my soul
A truer Love Joy Happiness
That neverending source,
of that it is
You represent... playfulness.
Playfulness can often be mistaken for sluttiness or
flirtiness... Flirting is something you enjoy
doing, but you're mostly just about having fun.
You're into partying, and it's seems that
people enjoy your company as much as you enjoy
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
“I’ll drown all the rodents that chase after you”
“She’ll come back as fire, burn all the liars and leave a blanket of ash”
“I have the answers to the questions you have yet to ask”
And the best one:
“My mother was of the sun, my father was of the earth and I am of the universe”
Didn’t even know they were lyrics of songs… Duh!
I promptly adopted her after hiring her while running that restaurant a few years back. The little sister I never got to be a big sister to. We just have so much fun together, no matter what we’re doing. I picked her up on the way to work on Sat (we both still do catering sometimes) and she had just taken some of her roommate’s puffer medication after an unfortunate incident with the vacuum cleaner bag. I don’t think I have ever seen her this jumpy/hyper/out of control- completely spazing out in the pharmacy “let’s go, let’s go, gotta go, gotta get outta here”. Needless to say, she made me (normally the picture of calm and mellowness) jittery. So I let her drive the rest of the way.
Blasting the Hip and the Beastie Boys so loud that we were half deaf by the time we got to the function, it turned out to be an entertaining evening. The photographer I thought was so cute she declared gay on the spot- “didn’t you hear him say, there’s boys in kilts here?” No. It was a wedding- turns out the groom was a guy I went to High School with. Small world.
I got my hands in the river
My feet back up on the banks
I looked up to the Lord above and said
Hey man thanks
Sometimes I feel so good I’ve got to scream
She said Gordy Baby I know exactly what you mean
Love you girl!
Montag, September 27, 2004
Via a satellite phone from the middle of the NWT (his dad’s hunting lodge). Been there a month, he said.
Snippet from the convo:
OEM: “So, I don’t know what I’m going to be doing this winter”
SG: “That doesn’t surprise me”
There’s that saying (I think it was Oprah) about how when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
This one took a few thousand more times than usual, due to the deaf, dumb, blind and stupid tendencies most closely associated with being in love. Ha.
I think he’s going to end up being one of those people who kind of randomly drifts in and out of your life at whim, sometimes even for a good reason. He is solely responsible for my shift in consciousness about the ability to fall in love again.
And that ride was worth every second.
Funny, I turned my calendar to today’s page (it was a gift left behind from my colleague, who moved to Germany last week) and it’s a quote by Mae West: “A woman may owe a man a lovin’, but not a livin’” Double Ha.
Freitag, September 24, 2004
Es spielt gerade Mary J. Mir geht es gut. Und Euch?
Ich habe mir schon von Anfang an gedacht, das es sehr viel Sinn macht, wenn ich ab und zu mal meine Post auf Deutsch schreibe. Es ist ein Teil von mir. Mit Sicherheit hat sich eine sehr wichtige Zeit in meinen Leben auf deutsch abgespielt. Lange Zeit war meine Tagesrealitaet "leben in Bayern". Sehr interessant und verantwortlich fuer ein paar ziemlich wilde und komische Geschichten.
Das Leben ist auch komisch. Heute war irgendwie ein deutscher tag.
Ich habe mich 'unterhalten' (msning) mit einem Bekannten, einem rumaenischen Geologen, der gerade in NE Alberta seinen Beruf ausuebt. Wir haben uns ueber Gott und die Welt unterhalten, einen Satz mal auf franzoesich, mal auf deutsch. Er spricht auch spanisch, und ein paarmal habe ich das auch tatsaechlich verstanden, was er geschrieben hat.
Auf alle Faelle, er hat mich gefragt was ein Dirndl ist. Ich arbeite bei einen Bildagentur, also habe ich tausende von Bildern, die ich anschauen und auch verschicken kann. Aber ich habe nur ein Bild von einem Junge in Lederhosen finden koennen.
Aber draussen bei die Firma, wo ich teilzeit Catering mache, ist der "Deutschtag" richtig los gegannen. Ich war mit meiner suessen schatzi Katzi unterwegs (die wie ich auch halbe/halbe ist) als wir den oesterreichischen Koch getroffen haben.
Er kam gerade von einer Oktoberfest Feier zurueck, und hat seine Sachen ausgeladen. Ploetzlich haben wir RIESIGE MENGEN an deutschen Koestlichkeiten wie Spaetzle, Sauerkraut und Rotkohl (Blaukraut?) vor uns gehabt.
LECKER!! Dann hat er fuer uns ein bisserl Schuhplattler getanzt.
Une Wieso auch nicht?
Mir geht es wie gesagt super gut!
p.s. danke, Astrid, fuer die hilfe!
Donnerstag, September 23, 2004
Later on we met up with my beautiful kitty Kat, whom I also consider a dear friend, although we have only known each other a few weeks. So my 13 year old friend & my 2 week old friend met and blended seamlessly. Gotta love it when that happens! I want to take this space to thank them both so much for the much needed nurturing. You guys are the best.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
Mittwoch, September 22, 2004
Serves me right for going to bed in a bad mood. Not to say that bad moods never happen, but when they do, I tend to have these fleeting thoughts that I won’t ever be able to get out of them.
Original Hiking Buddy (who ‘got’ the message) gave me some good advice. To be brutally honest here. If not here, then where? So here goes:
We lost our game. I am in debt. I got in shit for making calls of personal nature & not being EXACTLY on time.
Sometime between waking up, stumbling across two lost souls sleeping in the park on my way to work, and being a full 8 minutes early for work, I gained some perspective.
It’s just a game. EVERYONE is in debt. I am human.
It will come to pass.
On another note, someone told me I look hot today. I have a sexy/whimsical with a slight touch of hippie goin’ on. On probably one of the last days I can get away with wearing sandals, my toes are worth showing in
Canadian Maple Leaf
Lesson of the day:
Some people in your life deserve infinite second chances.
Dienstag, September 21, 2004
I used my toolbox yesterday evening.
This may not seem like a shocking statement to any of you out there, but it is for me. See, it’s the first time I have used it since moving in almost 4 months ago. It means I’m finally settling in, the puzzle pieces are slowly coming together to form my home.
It’s a beaut too- bright yellow with a black top, with little compartments for nails & screws and such. It was a gift from Bill, the handyman at the building where I ran a restaurant a few years ago. Not just any gift, but THE BEST GIFT I have ever received. Besides Bill serving my divorce papers for me. This toolbox came to me FULL OF TOOLS.
Bill, you’re awesome.
Quote from the fridge (ripped from a Celestial Seasonings tea box):
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship”
-Louisa May Alcott
Musical Accompaniment to putting up shelves/pictures:
Cowboy Junkies Greatest Hits
Seven Nation Army
Montag, September 20, 2004
We have been through so much together
Fallen off the road a few times
Brakes need replacing (slow down!)
New tires (take care of those tootsies)
Blast that -fully paid for- stereo
We're going places, you and I
I actually wrote the first idea for my first post in my car,
parked at a lake in the mountains.
All I could find to write on was a flyer from Mr. Lube.
"SERVICE ENGINE SOON" says the dashboard. No fing s&%*! (sorry) but GEEZ life just hits you sometimes in the *!?%&
Oh boy. YEAH, that's part of the problem. NOT the solution, methinks. The events of the past few days have piled up on me a little, and I feel like I'm shuffling through them.
I used to be convinced that my car was a metaphor for my life. We've gone through a lot, my saturn and I. Fell off the road a few times together. We have new tires, new brakes, TLC.
I have been sitting here at the lake for at least 15 minutes and I notice now snow on the the mountain!
Yes, that was an audible sigh. Almost the kind my oma would have let from her lips. Except that this one had a definite more satisfied/content lean to it. Sitting at my laptop, at the end of an extremely crazybusy last couple of weeks, letting the spirit of Autumn sweep me up in her caress.
The first emoticon I had chosen while setting that part up was "Accomplished". Yes, do rather feel that way. Especially since I'm actually a full 9 days ahead of my estimated launching schedule. Double Woo Hoo!
Thirty had definitely been my best year thus far. So many things have begun to awaken and come alive inside- like a technicolor butterfly, if you will allow. Which you will, oblige me that is. Because that's the beauty of this thing. If you didn't want to read this you wouldn't be. Live and let live.
Which brings me to:
Quote of the day-----
"What counts is not the amount of hours you put in but how much you put into those hours"-found on a grease stained photocopied 8 1/2 by 11 taped to the wall of the appropriately named Angel's Drive -In.
I say appropriately named because that was the gold at the end of the rainbow that my new hiking buddy (aka Elf) and I found. After taking a stroll thorough the wilds along the river there it was, in all of its neon glory. Now I need to explain that I believe in the existence of elves and fairies. Extremely similar to angels, I tend to meet these lovely helping spirits haphazardly along the way. This particular one took the form of a mischievous youngin' former skateboarder/future tattoo artist.
Best question asked in our 2 hour wander:
"Do you still have a teddy bear or something that you've had forever?"
Yes, his name is Sylvester, he's a monkey and he resides on the top shelf of my bedroom closet.
Which let me to think about my other favorite possession:Bob, the lime green Philips electric kettle from Amsterdam. I love Bob. He always comes through for me. So now you know the two things I would grab if I had to flee my burning abode.
Oh goodness, I am a little all over the place, aren't I. A little like a kid in a candy store (on speed), I'm afraid. This is rather like a clean slate. Nice to have a place to throw all of my buzzing thoughts.
Recent Horoscope: "Work on something you feel is important and it will pay off. You can mix business with pleasure and accomplish what you set out to do"
You know what? I have put a hell of a lot into the past few weeks, in all areas of my life, I'd say. Between working both jobs the past 12 days (with time between to sleep), my professional and social life have to jive. Uh oh- that ALMOST counted as a whine...sorry testypea)I have been meeting tons of interesting people in all three spheres (yes, there is a *purely fun* category).
Time to sign off before I drive us all round the bend.*
*stay tuned for the explanation to that remark (My car=metaphor galore)
Out of the "okay, so I'm a klepto Files":A set of BRAND NAME double AA's out of my sister's fridge (?) for I'm not telling what.
Also doubles as Sassiest Deed of the day*
*please feel free to submit your very own SDD (yes, dem be Double Dees) to email@example.com
CURRENT MUZAK: Blue Rodeo "The Days in Between"
Just changed to Jack baby for the remainder.
Three songs played on the jukebox at the Diner tonite:
Sublime "What I got"
Shaggy "Freaky Girl" (another double d: My current theme song)
Missy "Pass that Dutch"
Hey, when in ROme!
Sonntag, September 19, 2004
Wow- my first official Post. How exciting. Quite a gloomy autumn day out
there, but inside things are hopping and buzzing. Inside my head that is.
The whole set up was a lot easier and quicker than I anticipated, and Boom!
There you go- your own little voice is live and ready to be heard. Well
listen up, 'cause I have a lot to say...