pains in the neck

... is what I have been experiencing, non-stop, for the past twelve days. Twelve very long days and nights, spent trying to find some kind of solution to just make it go away!!

Since I work in a Wholistic clinic, it is my extremely good fortune to work alongside very many talented practitioners... whom we are encouraged to trade services with so as to ourselves fully understand what it is we have on offer and be able to recommend our colleagues to our clients. And so on.

So far, my attempts to dislodge the icepick to my right posterior side of my head have included everything from hot/cold hydrotherapy (screaming hot to freezing and back again in the shower, loads of fun), self lymph drainage, multiple massage & chiropractic visits, homeopathic and regular pain relievers, you name it, I've given it a whirl.

Tomorrow marks the fourth visit to the Chiro and first one to the Physio, who so kindly helped out with my sciatic nerve during pregnancy and plantar fasciitis afterward. I have high high hopes, as I don't know how much longer I can deal here and I've already decided that the CT scan that my Doctor ordered for Monday won't show a thing.

It may just be all in my head... in which case the two Cranal Sacral sessions I have booked will come in very handy indeed.

Gotta have all my bases covered here.

Cali here we come

I'm getting a little giddy with the prospect of leaving this frozen-for-months-at-a-time country for warmer parts in just 5 sleeps!!

Yup, me & the babe are headed to Palm Springs and then I'm taking a little solo side trip to San Diego from the 5th to the 8th.

I am going to get to meet a couple of Goddesses who have up until now only really been known to me in this strange virtual world we call the web.

It's kind of hard to contain, this level of excitedness I'm experiencing...

SUN SUN SUNNY SUN SUN HERE WE COOOOMMMMEEEEE

Things are looking up

Someone asked me to teach a pole dancing class to a bunch of bachlorettes today on Facebook.
Odd, since I don't teach pole dancing.

I have, however, taken a class in pole dancing, put on by The Goddesses of Calgary, about 2 1/2 years ago. It was SO much fun... after the pole wouldn't fit in the party room, the instructor had no choice but to set up inside dear Goddess (and Hostess that evening) Firecracker's apartment. Thank goodness the cage with the reptile was gone by that point! ~long story~

It was a big turnout, as I remember, and almost twenty or so Goddesses old and new all joined in in the fun. Awkward and shy at the beginning, we each let go and trusted each other a little more after practicing the moves in turn. By the end I would say all inhibitions were gonzo and we were laughing our asses off.

... So that's what has been missing, I finally surmised. Time with my lady friends.
Or Goddesses, as we like to call one another.

So I'm happily looking forward to the next two gatherings in the next few weeks... a clothing exchange and a make-over night. Whoppeee!

where oh where has my sassy gone?

"Sassness" ... I seem to have lost you, temporarily.

I think it was somewhere between the piles of unfiled paperwork in my (hah) meditation room... or did it fly out the window one night that I was up for a 3 O'clock feeding?

I do know that when I don't take the time to care for the Sass Monster with the proper love, attention and watering that it does tend to wilt a little.

Poor, neglected, Sassiness. How can I rectify this and bring you back into my life, where you belong?

Let's take a few deep breaths. Step back and have a birds-eye view of the situation.

It's not gone for good, the Sassafrass. It is a more delicate creature than you'd think, taking a quick look. Under the strong, solid surface are quivering butterflies awaiting their release.

Shhh shhh now, reach out your hand oh so delicately. Here she is, coming in for a landing.

Coming home.

501st Post... 1st day of the rest of my life

Birthday Horoscope:

May 24, 2008 -- How do you turn dreams into realities? By believing in them with all your heart. Whatever it is you are passionate about that is what will come alive for you over the next 12 months. The line between wanting and getting has never been narrower.

***

goddessmommies.ca ... watch that space! I do feel as if my dreams are coming alive.

And that everyone should have a caramel filled chocolate dipped churros on their birthday.

The beginning

Date Night

Date Night
Originally uploaded by ssygrl.

Already a week into our holiday and we are having so much fun!
Last night Auntie Alain & Uncle Chris babysat so we could go out for dinner. Mmmm fresh seafood down by the port. Life is gooooood.

No rain in Spain

And we're off... in less than 12 hours, we will be making our way to my sister-in-law's place in Barcelona. And no, I'm not completely packed yet. Oh boy.

This promises to be a vacation like no other- four weeks in Spain and Portugal, with our 4 month old baby girl (who is just about to start teething) along for the ride. Wheeeeee!

Catching up

Has it already been almost 2 months since I last posted? Tsk tsk. So much for that whole having a baby solving my procrastination theory. We sure are keeping busy and having fun... yoga, playgroup, the gym. Life is quite different from the 9-5 of the past!

A trip to the East coast to visit my sister and her boys went really well, with the exception of me catching the youngest ones cold at the end. Oh well, I heard it's good for baby's immune system to be exposed to it.

My to-do list keeps growing... with the tax deadline looming it's time to get my paperwork in order.

But for now I gotta run... Trinity is rolling over - for the first time!!!

Stolen Moments

I write this as I breastfeed my little girl... multitasking has taken on a whole new meaning...

A whole lot of things have taken on new meaning since I have become a mother. The whole world has a different shine to it.

The sleep deprivation thing is going better than expected... Although I long for a good 7 or 8 hour stretch, I am doing okay on 3-3-1 (most nights). We are getting into a routine of sorts, and every week I get a little braver and more adventurous with our outings. There's always the risk of "Will she wake up? Will she scream in the car the whole way? Where will I feed/change her?" but we're dealing with it.

I rejoined the Y this week but have yet to make it in for a workout. The one afternoon I thought the timing was just right I called and there was no room in the daycare. Boo. I am apprehensive about leaving her with a stranger, even for an hour, but am hoping that it might work out to be one of her longer naps and she will sleep the whole time. Like when we went out for dinner last week:

So yes, I realize that this whole post has been about my baby. But she is just so adorable... can you blame me? Trying to keep the baby stuff on the baby blog but I think it's normal that the two will mesh now and again...

And on the 7th day, Mommy made pancakes

My daughter is one week old today. How surreal this whole thing feels.

Currently, she is sleeping peacefully beside me on a blanket on the floor, all wrapped up in her swaddle thingie (my Mommy terminology is sorely lacking)- the very one in this photo, in fact.

Yes, it's 2 in the morning, but we're on her schedule now and we both got a good 2 1/2 hours nap earlier this evening. It is truly amazing to me how my natural instincts have taken over since her birth. I trust deeply in myself and my ability to nurture her. I am extremely fortunate to have the support that I have so that I am able to focus on just this task but find myself with pretty boundless energy at times, whipping though those 'to-do' lists with gusto.

Strange that pregnancy and motherhood would be what cures me of both my conditions- high blood pressure and procrastination! But it has, and I feel better than I ever have before in my life. I fall more deeply in love with her every day, my life has a completely new purpose.

*insert happy contented sigh here*

Tomorrow, Motherhood

Well, looks like it's time for this precious little being which has been growing inside of me for the past 9 or 10 months (who's even counting anymore when you're 12 days over your due date??) to come out and meet the world.

After 'fighting for our right' not to be induced today at the hospital, various other attempts (acupuncture, acupressure, walking, sex, herbal remedies) to get labour going on our own have unfortunately not been fruitful. So it looks like we'll be heading back to the hospital tomorrow for an induction.

I can't help but think that there is a mental connection here, as I really haven't completed all of my 'to-do' list yet, but you know what? We've done that, been there before. I am never going to get everything done, that is the reality of the situation and I may as well accept it instead of struggling against it. Among the many classes I have taken over the past couple of years, one of the most important things I learned was not to have a 'to-do' list but rather a 'to be'.

I know that I am a strong, capable, decisive, loving, giving person and that is enough for me. So baby, it's time to come out and meet your Mommy. I'll do you proud, I promise.

'twas the night before Christmas...

... and we're still waiting for our little angel to make his/her appearance.

I am exactly a week overdue today (that is, if my conception date was accurate) and we were at an Ultrasound today to find out how baby is doing. Everything is fine, so we're going to wait another couple of days and repeat it on Thursday.

It is simply unbelievable that I have been off work for 5 weeks already... My time has been taken up with swimming, yoga, Doctor and acupuncture appointments, the occasional massage. The time I've spent at home has been alternating between sleeping in and generally taking it easy to occasional bursts of nesting/sorting/organizing activity, which I wish there would have been more of to be truthful. I DID get all of thank you cards out for the wedding and baby shower (plus a few Christmas cards) and that I am proud of.

I feel very calm and relaxed the majority of the time, been listening to the 'Hypno Birthing' on my Nano almost daily, which has definitely helped contribute to this state of mind. It's everyone else it seems who are getting anxious for Baby to make its arrival, giving me all kinds of advice on how to get the labour started. Hey, if Baby is doing well and I'm feeling fine, I see no need to rush this.

Besides, there are still at least 6 things on my 'to do' list that I haven't crossed off... At this rate I won't be delivering till Valentines Day!

Christmas came early

We have our company 'holiday' party tonight and returned from a meeting this morning at the local movie theater (the only place nearby that is big enough to hold all of us) to find that gifts had been placed on each of our desks... a t-shirt and book and a NANO!!! :) :) :)

I love my job and I am so going to miss this place (I begin my maternity leave at 3 pm)...

Plus, right in the middle of the meeting, I received the best text message ever from my soul brother, Tony:

"Love...Bliss...Spirit...Freedom...Play!!! Some words to live by... even just for today... I double dog dare You!!!!!"

Today and every day, Tony.

How did he know?

35 days

... is all that's left on the baby counter! Unbelievable.

This is my last week of work (also unbelievable) and I'm starting to feel panicked that I won't get it all done. I may as well accept it now, I WON'T get it all done, and that's ok. Exhale.

Still busy in the non-work hours with relatives visiting from my Dad's side and baby preparations. The doula is coming by tonight to go through labour positions. etc with us and I have this nagging feeling that I should probably get my bag for the hospital packed... just in case.

I'd like a few weeks to get organized and 'nested', still LOTS left on the 'to do' list. LOTS.

famousness

The photographers we used for our wedding are using one of our shots on their website:

Oh, and here's a bit of an update that I started to write last week:

Home
We've been living there almost 6 weeks now and I'd say we're about 60% unpacked. The baby's room is painted a beautiful light blue (thanks to Dad and his trusty helper Ken) and all aired out, thanks to my honey's vigilant window opening (he hates the smell of paint, I don't mind it at all). The front room, eventually destined to become the 'formal' living room, is piled high with baby items that kind people have been donating to us. The 'formal' dining room is more like the cats play area, with their toys strewn (sp?) about. We've got two couches in the family room (or 'den') and a makeshift coffee table and I think we may even try out the fireplace sometime this week.

Work
Down to my last 3 1/2 weeks (not that I'm counting) and it's just starting to sink in that I've got some major life changes coming up here. It's not going to be my job to help whiny, clueless, scatterbrained, demanding customers anymore (whoops, did that come out sounding a little bitter?) I'm going to have a whole new set of responsibilities, caring and nurturing a precious little being. I have decided that this is where my priorities must be, regardless of how unprepared my company might be (they haven't yet hired my replacements so the chance of actually getting to train them is pretty darn slim but again, NOT MY PROBLEM).

Family

Big preparations are in the works for my Dad's 65th. Most of the preparations he is doing himself mind you, but that's the way he rolls. He is the ultimate entertainer and with at least 11 relatives and friends at last count flying in for the event, it's sure to be a party that only I will remember all the details of (being the only sober one!!). Prost, Vatti!

Hello from my Heart

I just found out about this organization, and the fact that the Reverand at my church (and the very woman who married me & my husband) is guiding a global meditation & discussing world peace tonight on a Teleconference.

.................

Here is the Shared Intention Agreement for this 30 Days of Peace program:

I AM Peace, Love, Wisdom and Compassion.

I smile in gratitude toward the divinity in all life

.....................

Just click on the image above if you'd like more information.

Peace & Love Abound!

Autumn is upon us

Most of the leaves on the trees on my street have turned yellow. It's only 'my' street for another week, and then we'll be living on our new street, for what I think will be a very long time indeed. It's interesting to be actually setting down these roots, and feeling so good and so natural about it. At first the task of finding our dream home seemed like a daunting one, but things have flowed (as I knew deep down that they would) and after seeing about a dozen the decision was rather easy.

Tomorrow the Goddesses will gather in the mostly empty dwelling. I will burn some sweetgrass to clear the energy of the previous family and we will give a blessing for our new life beginning there. A lot of newness happening this year: marriage, homeownership and parenthood all thrust upon us in this breathtakingly exciting and short time. I have often been feeling the need to take a moment to take it all in, absorb the changes and roll with them. These are all things that we both desired, in our lives, with each other, and yet we had no idea it would all happen so quickly and all at once.

So rolling with it we are, as we watch my belly grow (99 days to go!) and it all becomes more real and tangible.

The house, our home. Us together, a family. I am so incredibly blessed.

Peggy

Peggy
Originally uploaded by ssygrl.

I have just finished uploading an old box full of photos of my Grandmother for a slide show I am putting together for her Memorial service, which is taking place this upcoming weekend in Toronto.

It has been an emotional as well as an educational process, to take a look at this woman's life in snapshots...

I know I am proud of her beautiful and independent spirit and that I miss her very much. I am sad that she never got to meet the love of my life and our yet-to-be born baby, who would have called her Gigi as her other 11 Great-grandchildren did.

I have the feeling she'll be smiling down at us as we put her to rest and celebrate her life on Saturday. Here's to you, Gram!

what *isn't* new, pussycat?

In less than four months, I have gotten pregnant, engaged, married and have become a home owner. That's enough to send any girl's head into a spin, wouldn't you say?

I know I haven't been writing as much and some of the time I feel like I need to censor my thoughts, lest I blurt them out here only to have them come and bite me in the ass at a later date. Although this is semi-anonymous, I'm pretty sure that with a little effort I could be identified. Not that I'm trying to be all mysterious or anything, I'm just thinking that if I were completely 'underground', I might feel a little freer to express myself totally and completely. But I suppose that's what the old-fashioned hand written journaling is for.

So what is it that is bouncing around in my head lately? Getting used to a new Mama-in-law, for one. Whose response yesterday when I shared with her the statistic about a pregnant woman's brain shrinking 3 to 5% was "is that why you've been acting so crazy lately?"... My honey was quick to reassure me later on that this was her way of teasing me, a joke not to be taken at all seriously. In my all too sensitive hormone laden state, I was not finding it very funny, but decided for the sake of peace to let it slide.

I am doing my best to let a lot of things not bother me- I know it is in my best interest and in the best interest of the being growing inside of me to keep the stress level as low as possible.

Other things keeping me preoccupied are the need to write and send out about 100 thank you cards...
And scan in a big box of old photographs of my Grandmother for a slide show I am putting together for her memorial next month...
Hmmm and maybe think about starting to pack, seeing as the move is coming up in about 5 weeks. Yeah, I've been a little preoccupied lately.

'cause Shan did it too

1. What is the soundtrack for this blog?

It changes with each entry

2. What's bothering you right now?

my head aching

3. Do you close the door when you are sleeping?

have to so the cats can get out!

4. What is in your wallet?

nothin'- just spent it on lunch for me & Cari

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?

a beautiful Veer image of a path in a forest with the sun shining through...

6. Background on your cell phone?

The cake my Dad's ex gf made us for the Rehearsal dinner with the words "And they lived happily ever after..." in blue icing

7. Next time you will kiss someone?

as soon as I get home

8. Where was your default picture taken?

I don't understand the question (I sound like my mother)

9. Eyes: Blue

10. Life: ideal

11. House: buying one soon

12. Doing this weekend?

finding a house to buy & attending a wedding shower

13. Wearing?

Woke up this morning and thought "black", so it's my black maternity shirt and a red & black top that still fits over my belly

14. Who was the last person to send you a text message?

my honey

15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

the afternoon off for a looooong nap

16. Listening to?

nothing right now, but I recently uploaded a CD we picked up on our honeymoon in Hawaii "Acoustic Soul - John Cruz"

17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Patty?

Not that I recall

18. What do you smell like?

Alfred Sung "Paradise" and the rapidly disappearing candy necklace my colleague LB gave me

19. Eating?

Candy off the candy necklace (duh)

20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing?

Besides my man? My body pillow

21. Do you believe in a soul mate?

Yes, several. And they always have a lot to teach you

22. What do you wear to bed?

A sports bra, most nights (poor pregnant boobies)

23. Do you remember your dreams?

Lately, yes. Last nigth I was trying to balance on a cliff over the sea

24. Do you burn easily in the sun?

Lately, yes- apparently your skin is more sensitive when you're pregnant (what part isn't??)

25. Have you ever been gambling?

Yes, a couple of times, I usually take $20 and when it's gone, it's gone

26. What's something you wish you could understand better?

Why humankind can't get along better

27. What did you do last weekend?

Went to open houses & two birthday parties

28. Who do you miss?

My PEI Kimmy, my sister & nephews who just moved to Nova Scotia

29. Who is the last girl you hugged?

Cari at lunch

30. Orange or apple juice?

Both. Craving the juice.

31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?

My *ahem* husband on our honeymoon

32. What was the last text message?

Am downstairs.

33. Have you kissed anyone on your friendslist dailes?

ummm no

34. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?

last weekend at the in-laws in a zuchini cheese dish. YUM

35.

Huh?

36. What was the last thing you drank?

Water

37. Who's house did you go to last night?

mine

38. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

my mom during her cancer operation/recovery in January


39. Do you like someone right now?

I like my husband. A whole lot.


40. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?

none of the above. Am preferring skirts/dresses these days. PJ bottoms at home


41. What is the last movie you watched? With who?

In the theatre it was "Surf's Up" with my two nephews


42. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:

Water, juice, more water


43. What are you excited about?

Everything! Buying a house, having a baby, being married to the man of my dreams!


44. Do you want someone you can't have?

Nope, got him. Hook, line & sinker


45. Who was last to slap your butt?

Probably my sister


46. Where was the last place you went?

Define "went"... the gym last night count?


47. What's on your mind right now?

how to make the three remaining hours of the afternoon pass


48. Have you cried recently?

Are you kidding? I'm pregnant. I cry at the drop of a hat


49. When you think of your crush, who is it?

This is too easy


50. Is taking a shower a daily habit?

Sometimes twice