fav HNT for '05

This is part 1 of 'gum sharing' (original post Oct. 27th) and I chose it cause it's the Sassiest of them all, and got the funniest comments. And cause I miss the gum sharee. So much.

Here's to making more HNT memories in 2006!

52 Pick Up

So I was sitting on the couch of the place I’m currently house sitting last night, attempting to come up with a description of my current mood/state of mind. The maybe-not-so-wise one’s words … “depressed again?” still echoing in my ears. Well, no, actually. There does tend to be a dip on the chart that affects me most evenings, but I’d rather call it contemplation. My brain becomes so full over the course of the day; it needs some space and time to sort the contents out, piece by piece. A kind of decompression, if you will.

I came up with a vision- me as a deck of cards, scattered all over the hardwood floor, and suddenly invisible hands are sweeping me up to sort and shuffle. Once I’m in a semblance of order, things begin to flow. Worries shrink into manageable pieces and ideas blossom. Although I have never been a cat person, I have thoroughly enjoyed acquainting myself with my current charge, and the sight of him sprawled out in front of the fireplace relaxes me. I’m sure there are dozens upon dozens of TV stations to peruse, but I can’t be bothered trying to figure out the multitudes of buttons on the three remotes. I’d rather stay lost in my reorganization of thoughts. And so it was.

Goodbye 2005

I got this idea from someone’s blog (can’t remember who). Take the first sentence of each month’s post, and there you have it: your Year In Review.

January: My Kat made reappearance in my life today.
February (Horoscope): Generally speaking, this will be a great year for you.
March: One of those moments that is so defining that you want to capture every single detail of it happening.
April: It's my "I don't live in the basement anymore" party!!
May: Welcome to the World, David Andrew!
June: Don't watch a movie like 'Sweet November' when you're feeling down already
July: Happy happy holiday weekend to both sides of the border!
August(Personality test): You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
September (Title: ‘tied cause the ref sucked’): My msn name as of late.
October: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast;”
November: The smell of the sweet grass I burned last night still lingered this morning.
December: Always got somethin' in my mouth.

All in all, it was an incredible year for learning and growing. Tragically, it was disturbingly overshadowed by the person in my very first sentence. Perhaps that was to be the greatest lesson to be gained for me this year. The true meaning of a friendship and the consequences when it is lost.

Generally speaking (excluding the mess that was created out of that disintegrated union), it WAS a great year. But I am more than happy to let it go and drift off into memory, to start again with a fresh perspective, energy and gusto in 2006. Ooh, I really like that word: enjoyment, delight, pleasure, enthusiasm, passion and zest. 2006 = GUSTO!

The enlightenment of March & April was infused into me with the above ground living. Regrettably, I have ended the year once again a mole.

We had a beautiful addition to the clan in May, my nephew David (and the worries about his health are now thankfully in the past, as you can see by his smiling face in the second photo of the past post).

The realities of incompatibility and heartbreak surfacing in June (that I’m not entirely sure I’m done with, half a year later).

Work, work and more work, despite the holidays that others may celebrate. It’s effective therapy, to a certain extent, being too busy to think about the heart’s injuries.

End of summer bringing about introspectiveness. Concentrating more on myself and my needs, the ‘good’ kind of selfishness and the insight that, you know what? I’m not much good to others if I’m not taking care of myself. Through reflection, playing team sports, thinking positive thoughts, practicing yoga and moving on, I am achieving this goal. Leaving pain behind, keeping the good memories and learning from mistakes.

And as for this month’s recap-in-one-sentence? What can I say, I truly am naughty and nice. Deal with it!

what Christmas means to me

Donner & Blitzen are my buds

You Are Cupid

A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer. Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other. Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Sista Love HNT

This is me and my 'little' sis on Halloween (hence the spider rings). And this is how much I love her.

Tension, schmension

I feel like I finally got my groove on for this week on the way to work this morning. Only a mere 24 hours off, I’m gonna blame it on the 14 hour day I put in on Saturday at the Ranch. Sounds like some rough & tumble outdoor work, but it was really a party for some very nice folks where I rotated being bartender and warding off the doggies in the garage-come-clearing-station, all in a pair of slippers lent to me by the host. What can I say, I’m a pro.

The chiropractor (who had to pay me a home visit so I could get out of bed last week) says my body and my mind are out of whack. That I have been storing my tension from the past 6 years in my neck & shoulders and that it’s finally crying out for help. An injury on the tip of my big toe from the screw sticking out of the laundry room floor and a ball to the face in Sunday’s game sure haven’t helped, either. “I need a vacation!” my tension shrieks. 34 more days, I calmly answer. Because calm is the only way to respond to my screaming tension, I have learned. Until then, bubble baths are the answer.

Thanks Cari

“One who blesses others is abundantly blessed”

Proverbs 11:25 The Message

My name

HNT Sassy Break

Taking breaks is very important. They recharge your batteries, help you gain perspective, allow you to stretch your legs, and inspire you to keep going.

This was one of the best breaks I have ever taken. Beer in hand, icy cold stream flowing by, and a gorgeous summer day to enjoy it all.

What's that you're saying, it's December? Don't interrupt my daydream!

Wisdom of the Day

- If you're going to complain, you'd better have two solutions

World Peace is Declared

I'm over at (ex~sniff~) neibourladys house for a visit. It's Monday (Oh! Was it ever a Monday) evening, and we're enjoying a catch up session filled with tangents. How I heart the tangents.
She brought to my attention this gathering that is taking place on New Years Day, a Peace Dance put on by this group. I think I'll check it out. At the top of their pamflet there's a pair of footprints and the words:

"Let our first steps into the New Year be peaceful..."

I couldn't agree more.

Word of the Day:

Debris

Sass's Holiday Mix

Hit me with music (live)
Angel - Simply Red
People Everyday - Arrested Development
Here I Am - UB40
Corner of the Earth - Jamiroquai
Gone Till November - Wyclef Jean
Whenever God Shines His Light - Van Morrison
Brian Wilson (Live) - Barenaked Ladies
Turn Your Lights Down Low - Bob Marley & Lauryn Hill
Inaudible Melodies - Jack Johnson
Wildflowers - Tom Petty
Eyes Wide Open - Hothouse Flowers
I Belong To You - Lenny Kravitz
The Conquering Lion (Live) - Lauryn Hill
Water Is Wide (Live) - Indigo Girls/Jewel/Sarah McLachlan
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away - Eddie Vedder (I am Sam soundtrack)
Thank You - Natalie Merchant
Seoladh Na nGamhna - Hothouse Flowers

Groove Salad

Commercial free, listener supported radio

Check it out

I'm groovin' on a Saturday night... making the most of an empty (well, except for my four four legged friends) house, mixin' up my 10 faves for a Christmas 'project'. I'll post them when I'm done...

Fruitful Winds

Oh! Glorious Chinook wind! Blow! It doesn’t matter that you turn the pure white now to dirty slush, and make the windshield washer light on my dash glow like Rudolph’s nose. So many things just don’t matter since I had my little chat with the Big Guy by the river during yesterday’s lunch break, and gave all my worries over to Him. Doesn’t matter that I’m going to spend the vast majority of my waking hours today working (Holiday Pahtee Season comes but once a year!). Doesn’t matter that I forgot my belt today, just as the outer effects of my cleanse are beginning to be visible. Doesn’t matter that I had to endure almost an hour in the greasy air of the lounge at the soccer center after the game, nursing my ice water (we won 5-1!).

I’ll be singing my carols (in my head for the desk job part of the day, but out loud while I’m serving), hiking up my jeans every time I stand up, depositing that juicy refund cheque that arrived yesterday ~coincidence? I think not ~ and just all around being happy to be alive. Joy to the world, y’all!

HNT Cruisin'

This was the start of the day with mike b back in October, heading out to show him around Cowtown.

Day three (but who's counting?)

It has been really difficult for me to find my voice again, after the events of the past few months. I just had a look back at what I was writing about a year ago, and found an abundance of inspirational quotes and such. I’m on day three of a 14 day cleanse right now (if I make it that far… but so far it’s going great) and they tend to have a purifying effect on my mind and thought patterns as well. Out with the old, in with the new seems to be the credo of the season. I do enjoy this reflective state, and it seems my present living situation is very conducive to it, being in the deep dark dungeon and all. Me and my heating blanket are getting quite close.

One of my ‘looking within’ activities of late has been to re-read a guest book I kept whilst living in the mountains. I had all the ‘kids’ sign it at my birthday and going away parties. It has been downright heart warming to reread these sweet words written by my charges (I was a supervisor in both positions out there). In an attempt to counter-balance some negative feedback I received last week at my current place of employment, I’d like to reprint some of the gems here:

“You are an amazing person with a great heart and your wonder shines onto everyone you meet!”

“You are a special and beautiful spirit”

“You rock”

“You are definitely one of the truest people I know. Your heart is on your sleeve, neckline, shoes and socks. Don’t ever change.”

“You’re a breath of fresh air”

“I just want to thank you for making my time here so amazing. You’re so inspiring in so many ways, you don’t even know. As soon as I met you, you immediately made me feel comfortable and happy in this wild place… Your presence, caring and energy have played a huge part. I’m so glad, thankful to have met you.”

“Your kindness is meant to teach”

Warm fuzzies, anyone?

because I need something mindless to do

What is your occupation? Sales and technical support for a creative content site
What color is your underwear? black
What are you listening to right now? Tapping on keyboard
What was the last thing you ate? 85% Lindt Chocolate (3 squares, my daily allowance)
Do you wish on stars? Yes
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Sienna
How is the weather right now? Frikin' cold
Last person you spoke to on the phone? A customer
How old are you today? 31
Favorite drink? Vodka
Favorite sport to watch? Figure skating or (men's) gymnastics
Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
Do you wear Contact or Glasses? both
Pets? Does Uhu count?
Favorite month? May
Favorite food? Asian
What was the last movie you watched? God knows....
Favorite day of the year? Christmas
What do you do to vent anger? Kick (soccer) balls
Fall or Spring? spring
Hugs or kisses? Kisses (especially when drunk)
Cherry or Blueberry? both
Living arrangements? Banished to the basement with my 'hu
When was the last time you cried? Last week
What is on the floor of your closet? Lots of stuff, I just moved
Who is the friend you have had the longest? Kimbobimbochristophercolimbo
What did you do last night? Shoveled my ex bf's driveway, then went two stepping
Favorite smell? Cinnamon/nutmeg
What inspires you? Nature
What are you afraid of? Deep water
Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Veggie, no onions
Favorite car? British racing green Jag
Number of keys on your key ring? 7 (been house sitting)
How many years at your current job? 1 3/4
Favorite day of the week? Sunday
How many provinces have you lived in/name them? 3 (Quebec, Alberta, BC)

Orally fixated HNT

Always got somethin' in my mouth. Hee hee.

This is from our Halloween night out (after a few pints, hence the blurryness). Time to get some new pics, geez!

3 daze

This girl is on a mission.

I've got a dog to feed & walk, a Christmas party to decorate (and attend), and oh yeah, I'm moving tomorrow!

Already won the soccer game tonight (too bad the Flames didn't win too) and attended a scooter club fundraiser, complete with Burlesque dancers accompanied by my lovely Aussie office mate. Thanks, mate!

Off to pack...

Pet Sitter extraordinar

adopt your own virtual pet!

23/5

Over at 2 Hot Chiks, T was looking for her glasses and pondering the results of this excersise:

1) Delve into your blog archive. 2) Search for your 23rd post. 3) Find the 5th sentence, or the closest to it. 4) Post the text of your sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.5) Tag 5 people to do the same.

So here is my 23rd post - sentence 5:

Focused.

Next word? Not Focused. Previous sentence? Long days at my desk with my mind all over the place.

Being the true Gemini that I am, it is always about opposites. Funny that it should be one of the 5 F’s that NL and I discussed yesterday evening, while we were pondering the world and everything in it. Let’s see if I remember them all: Friends/Family, Focus (work/finances), Faith, Fitness, Fun. Yay! (Pats on back). It’s not always easy to remember all the details from such discussions, especially when we get taken off on tangents.

Tangent? Did someone say tangent? Ok, so it’s a year later and not much has changed. In fact, nothing at all has changed. It’s still a long day at my desk (although my desk is now on the third floor next to a window with a SW view), my mind is still all over the place.

Now you! (I’m not gonna tag anyone, just let me know if you do it).

T, hope you found your glasses!

HNT Die Augen haben es

Deine augen

liebe ich

dort faengt

dein laechel an

und hoert nie auf

giving thanks and saying g'bye

Started making soup around 10:30 last night, after yoga and a quick trip to the grocery store. It’s amazing to me how people just show up once the aromas start swirling from the pot. Neighbourlady was the first to arrive, sporting a six pack of my fav dark beer, and bringing news of her son's engagement. Then in came Uhu from one of his 14 + hour days, still transporting piles and piles of clothes. Shortly thereafter NL’s lady friend showed up, very amusingly tipsy, then a not so amusing appearance by the ex roomie’s ex bf. Not happy about the feeling that my mail is being tampered with. Oh well, got it sorted out today, and soon my very presence in this place will be a memory.

It turned into an impromptu going away party of sorts, sharing the brews and the soup, and I found myself thankful for this Motley Crew, every last one of ‘em. Bless us all. I have neighbours, I have soup, I finally have my flannel sheets back. Bless us every one.

I have needs

Go to Blogger, type in your name and the word 'needs' in quotation marks, hit go:

"Sass needs":

sass needs to lay off
Sass needs to take A pill and chill out!
SASS needs certain information from the clubs
Sass needs to get this on US radio stations!
Sass needs to tell us what it takes to win it all.
SASS needs blankets, tents and anything you can spare to help them out
SASS needs more volunteers this year to launch the dialogue anew
Sass needs to ooze from your pores and surround you like an intoxicating aroma.
SASS needs to grow
Sass needs a break once in a while
Sass needs to stop acting like Maddox
Sass: Needs little description, but could be the most important one. A sassy woman over 30 gives a man a little jolt in his bolt. I've never met a sassy woman who had any trouble finding a mate.

Halfway Down

Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair
Where I sit.
There isn't any
other stair
Quite like
It.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top;
so this is the stair
Where
I always
stop.

Halfway up the stairs
isn't up
and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery,
It isn't in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
"It isn't really
Anywhere!
It's somewhere else
Instead!"

- A.A. Milne

easy like sunday evening

I feel as satified as a fat tabby cat, basking in the sunny spot on the window seat. It has been a productive as well as lazy weekend, if that's even possible, and I'm practically purring with contentment. Sushi, saki and movies with my sister on the couch has been the order of this late afternoon. This is after I finally roused myself from my deep autumn sleep at 2 pm, had a nice long shower/bath (was feeling a tad indecisive) and made myself a breakfast of champions.

Been working on this whole receiving thing, and so far it's paying off extremely well in my favour. A fridge full of leftovers from Friday's function, a richly renegotiated rental contract for my company's Holiday Fete next week, and a rendezvous with not one, not two but three gentlemen last night can attest to my progress. Is there such a thing as taking this excersise too far? I think not, says she , with a big ass Cheshire grin.

save the sorrow for tomorrow

I’m feeling a little tipsy. Not such a good thing at 11 am on a workday. Maybe the gintonic/champagne/wine/tripleamaretto from the Englishman’s birthday party last night is just hitting me now… I’m kind of altogether a mess today, no makeup, my eyes red and sore from crying, the roof of my mouth burnt from the eggnog latte I had as breakfast. It has been an emotionally charged day already, from cramming myself into the crowded CTrain car to being told I have to pay my speeding tickets NOW to the wind and the rain that pelted me as I crossed the 14th street bridge, late for work. I have finally swallowed the pride that was holding me back from asking for help. The reality of the red numbers has forced me to rely on the kindness of others right now. What was that my therapist was saying about working on receiving? She’s absolutely right, and my time is way overdue. I gave so much I ended up completely empty. So I’ll continue to hold my head high, graciously accept the generosity of dear friends, and work on my plan of how to repay them. I see a whole lot of catering shifts in my near future. Fine by me, I love people watching at Christmas parties. Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

HNT The Feets have it

A warm summer evening, not necessarily stranded but temporarily delayed, speedboat ride on Lake Okanogan, cider in hand (not in view), wakeboarding lessons later. Life is SWEET.

Thanks, Maggie

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye,
but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those."

The purge is complete

Hard to believe, but my hands have touched every single piece of my paper trail that has accumulated over the past 31 years, all in the past 31 hours. From birth to divorce certificate, it's all there, and then some. The bank statements, bills of sale, fill-in-the-blank insurance policies, in german and in english were really beginning to weigh me down. All of those written testaments that for some reason or another are necessary to *keep, hold on to, don't throw away, whatever you do!* sure do pile up over time. This weekend it was finally time for the mission to organize said pieces of paper, once and for all. And I had the extra motivation of a cute little black next to new filing cabinet to store my files in once I was sucessful in my mission. Thanks, neigbourlady!

I probably got rid of the same amount of papierkramm that I ended up keeping, which is a pretty good result, if you ask me. Just about the same amount of clothes were shed from my closet just one week ago. I'm enjoying this pairing down of belongings, as packing light is a definite advantage for this period of change I feel I'm about to encounter.

Whether my new adventures are going to take me to the other side of the world or into the deep recesses of my brain is yet to be determined. In either case, I'm making room! Da bin Ich gespannt...

HNT Hands

... touching hands... reaching out
touching me
touching you

Sweet Caroline!

Bam
Bam
Bam


Unfotunately, this big beautiful strong hand is far far away from me now, and it will be several months before I feel it around my waist, or stroking my cheek, or pushing elevator buttons & opening doors for me. Sigh.

pic of the day

So my friend Moe finally sent me copies today of her roll of film from our holiday out to Kelowna & Whistler in August. We both had a disposable camera, and kind of got mixed up over the span of the weekend as to whose was whose (and did it really matter, anyway?). Well, I loved this one so much I had to share it. This was hour 2 of the breakdown... unbeknownst to me my fuel pump needed replacing, and this is the spot on the highway where Jules decided to give up the Geist. No cell phone reception round this bend, so we preceeded to set out the blanket with a nice little picnic and have ourselves a grand old time till the towtruck arrived. What I like best is the smile on my face- happy as a clam. Hey, I'm on VayKayShun here, lovin' it!

Life's a journey, not a destination.

"choose your raindrops carefully"

Sunday night and I feel expired. This weekend was so absolutely chock full of weekendness that it's hard to slow it down enough to see the individual stripes on this spinning top.

They're but flashes of exploding light, like my own personal little fireworks show.

Funking out to this band, thinking damn, there IS something about those musicians.

The faces of the people at the homeless dinner I volunteered at this afternoon as I served them perhaps their first hot meal in a week or two.

Getting kicked out of our hotel's hottub, completely naked, at sometime around 3 or 4 this morning. (Got to cross that one off my list, too!)

Literally running into my old bud, the marathon man, outside (un)said hotel this morning.

Liquid birthday dinner with Dad.

Now it's a mere 52 hours or so since it began, but it feels much like a leap year and a millisecond rolled into one.

The painting didn't get done, but thanks to Uhu's expertise and iron willed decisiveness, I did reduce my wardrobe by about half. I thankfully did get to hang on to a few cherished items (via our most excellent 3-5 item veto system).

Now it's time to rest my weary booty shaking bod into the freshly made up bed of thick flannel sheets, and dream of early morning conversations with richly accented sexy europeans (or wait, that really did happen, heehee).

The saying IS true, it never rains it fucking pours, and I'm out there dancing in my cotton dress and rubber boots, my face tilted skywards to catch some of that warm summer rain.

Inventory of the heart

The smell of the sweet grass I burned last night still lingered this morning. It was the first night I have spent in my own bed since fleeing the crib over 5 weeks ago. A restless night in my now more than half empty pad, with an echo reverberating through the core and an emptiness in my heart too vast ever to be filled again. She left. She’s gone. But she took
The shower curtain
The curtains and rod from her room (not hers)
Every last roll of toilet paper except one
The cutlery my mom gave me- but only the soup spoons and knives (?)
My lamp from the living room

She left
A black cowboy hat
About 2 tablespoons of maple syrup from a one liter jug
A moldy take out container of Sweet & Sour soup
Various books:
“Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior”
“Awaken Healing Light”
“Each Day a new Beginning”
“Delivered from Distraction”
“Seven Spiritual Laws”
“GROWING UP”
65 glass beads hot glued to the bathroom mirror
(and two that fell off)
A broken window
161 nail holes in the walls

It’s easier to take inventory than try to express my sense of loss.

A question came into my mind last night, as I tried to focus on my breathing during yoga class.
Will I ever feel at home again in this place?
The answer, sadly, a resounding NO.
Our friendship, irreparably damaged on both of our parts, is over.
And so as well, any concept or vision of an urban family we once shared.
Gone.
May it rest in peace, and may we all heal from this experience, and each of us seek the help we need.

tomfoolery and such

It has been an incredibly long month (in many ways), and I have mixed feelings about it coming to an end. Of course, it's going out with a bang, with a much anticipated visit from fellow blogger mike b. Wow- it has now been over a year since we met (through T, through friendster), and although we may only get together three or four times a year, I count him as one of my favoritest real life IIFs. It's sure to be an eventful weekend of Tomfoolery.

Which is exactly how I'd describe all of last week, hanging out with an Austrian Polka band. Who hasn't dreamt of being able to say, "I'm with the band"? I had the pleasure of uttering this phrase on many occasions, as I tagged along on outings and gigs, ever willing and ready to play translator/tour guide extrordinaire. I don't think I have ever had so much concentrated fun, picking up on more of their crazy dialect with each passing day.

Now they have departed back to their homeland, and I'm left with the feeling that I need to enjoy every moment, in the moment.

is it HNT again already??

This one I call "gum sharing"

Totally.

Twitterpated.

Quote 'o the day

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."

– Carlos Castaneda

HNT Austrian Style

A little peek at my 'blumen am balkon'...

finally, linkage

Oh, how I have missed having the links to my real and imaginary internet friends on the side.

I’m slowly gathering them back together (along with the real and imaginary pieces of my own life) and rebuilding.

If I have missed you, or you would like to be added please let me know with a comment. Happy Oktober! :) Prost!

twinkle twinkle

I went on a late night rendez-vous with my ex boyfriend last night. Oh, no, don’t go thinking that. We were fully clothed the entire time and behaved ourselves in an exemplary manner. We’ve been being ‘good’ for months now, since one of us (not sayin’ who) finally put their foot down after over three months of heart wrenching back and forth after the breakup. After a month of self imposed silence (including an all out ban on msning), we’ve resumed communications and are attempting the friendship route. This is a first for me, as all my other exes seemed to have moved away from me, or me from them. Hmmm.

In any case, I was very happy to be in his company, as we settled in on the couch next to the window, in one of my favorite watering holes downtown. I especially love that particular table, and how it looks out on the constant stream of action at the convenience & liquor stores across the street. Glancing skywards you can see the lights of the tower twinkle and feel like you’re about two feet tall. I had had yet another drama filled day on the home front and was looking for a little solace, and he had been working late at the office and needed a little nourishment. Luckily for us, both needs were met and as we conversed the source of his nervousness presented itself.

He revealed that he has started seeing someone else. As I attempted to compose myself (and urge that feeling in the pit of my stomach to settle), a range of emotions raced through me. Eventually I was able to offer “I’m very happy for you” and maybe for the first time was able to understand what it is that he had been going through, hearing my dating tales of the past months. What goes around comes around or something stupid like that. Poke poke. Truth be told, I am happy for him, and I do wish nothing but happiness for him in his life. We determined that we weren’t right for each other (in different places, however you wish to phrase it) months ago, and life does have a habit of moving on. And so it shall.

I am content having shared a stolen hour or two, critiquing the odd, garish art on the walls, the ease and flow of the conversation warming my heart and soul. And if my wish on the twinkling lights comes true, we’ll enjoy the friendship we’ve forged for a long time to come.

HNT... I'm back!

I can NEVER wear a pair of panyhose without getting a run...

Happy HNT y'all!

con.tem.pla.tion

GEMINI
You know that perspective of yours? Maybe it's time for a totally new one. Listen carefully to anyone and everyone around you, especially if their views are different from yours. Is there something you're missing? Is there some fact that you don't know about that could radically change how you look at the world? There could be. And if there was ever a day to contemplate the world around you, this is it.

Dark Days

Dark Days are upon me
Like thick, dense fog
Robbing me of my smile
Stomping on my spirit
The essence of me
Has been locked away
Lethargy is creeping
into my bones
Movement is slow
Or not at all
Joy has gone
A wanderin’
The outlook is bleak
Lead weight on my shoulders
My chest my heart
Suffocating hope
Dark days
Indeed

dreams

I had a dream last night that my ex husband and I were sitting at a table which was immersed in a lake. The water came up to our necks, and we sat there and had ourselves a pretty decent conversation. This was a little odd, as we haven’t spoken a word in almost 4 years, and he lives halfway around the world. The water was turquoise, and I could see a white car underneath the surface. Behind him was a pipe sticking up out of the water, with a pothole cover on top. We spoke of many things, comfortably and easily, and I even brought up our trip to Turkey (and the last time I had seriously thought about hurting myself). Dreams are such strange things. Earlier this week I dreamt about hippopotami swimming by in a river. Just plain weird.

Aloha~

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Kiele Kalea

What's your Hawaiian Name?

Hope springs eternal

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

-Alexander Pope,
An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733

Happy Thursday!

I thought it was time to lighten up a little.

But oops- all of my links are gone.

OK, it's REALLY time to start over.

Fresh starts are GOOD!

HNT pic to follow...

firsts & lasts

FIRSTS

First best friend: Alison MacDonald. Fell in love at first sight with her boyfriend, Sean (always loved that name), at the end of grade 6. I was his shoulder to cry on when she dumped him for no reason.

First car: Dark Blue Dodge Omni. Bought at an auction for $500. I’ll never forget the thrill of raising my arm and winning that bid. Too bad it was a lemon.

First kiss: 13 or 14 (yea, I was a late bloomer), on the corner down from Trafford Drive, walking my boyfriend part of the way home. I remember walking on clouds all the way back home.

First screen name: sg (sassy girl, or ssygrl… that’s me)

First funeral: I catered one by myself, three years ago, between Christmas and New Years. Laid out the spread in the basement of the church. Other than that, just one memorial service for an old friend from elementary school’s father last year.

First album: mixed pop songs circa 1985. Featuring Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just wanna have fun” and Nina’s “99 Luftballoons”.

First pets: Bert and Bertha, Black Labs, on the farm. My dad calls everyone either Bert or Bertha, as he has a terrible memory when it comes to names.

First piercing/tatooing: Ears, when I was about eleven or twelve. None since.

First big trip: me, mom and lil sis, 5 weeks in California the summer of 1988. Absolutely awesome trip, although I think my mom had more fun than we did at Disneyland- she wanted to stay and BE Minnie Mouse.

First time skiing: Grade 6, at ‘Paskipoo’ (now Canada Olympic Park). Most horrifying moment: wiping out and having the zipper of my snow pants break, just as the two cutest boys in the school were going up the chairlift above me. Of course, I had nothing on underneath!

First concert: Crowded House @ the Jube.

First alcoholic drink: a Fuzzy Navel (oj and peach schnapps), on my thirteenth b-day

First ticket violation: can’t remember- must have blocked the memory as too painful/traumatic

First date: well, I remember it being with a cute boy I had a crush on (circa grade 5) but it wasn’t really a date as we were going to see his ‘girlfriend’ perform in a ballet. The Nutcracker, I believe.

LASTS

Last car ride: Yesterday, to take Uhu to work (end of the world North, turn right). At least he gave me a tenner for gas.

Last kiss: Probably shouldn’t have happened. ‘Nuf said.

Last time you cried: Friday before last, the salsa incident.

Last movie watched: in a theater? Reverb (see second to last post).

Last food you ate: my 6’ tuna on honey oat from Subway. Surprisingly, no snacking this aft as there is something seriously wrong with my tummy.

Last love: Wasn’t allowed to come to fruition.

Last temptation: See last kiss. But we were strong!

Last item bought: Lunch. Before that, gas. At $104/litre!!

Last annoyance: See bold above.

Last time wanting to die: The afternoon after I saw my Dr. 2 ½ weeks ago. I was parked near a cliff overlooking Rundle Mountain and briefly considered what would happen if I put it in drive. I didn’t.

Last shirt worn: Probably my tux (penguin) shirt to work a catering shift.

Last alcoholic drink: Last night, a glass of red (bin 555)

Last concert: been going through my day timer, trying to figure this one out. I’m thinking it must have been the Folk Fest back in July, ‘cause I never made it to the Reggae Fest, sadly. There have been a few bands playing in bars, but that’s not really considered a concert, is it?

Last phone call: a customer, stuck on the website.

Last time at the mall: hmmmm. It’s been awhile.

Wait, where'd it go?

Sunday night already... Amazing how time just slips through your fingers. I had many projects on the go today, and am headed to bed only having completed ONE of them. Yes, I have brought the 3 loads of laundry to their beautiful completion. A Wholly Sucessful Follow Through. (Pats on back). That and a few dozen new songs to listen to, courtesy of this beautiful thing we call a web. I love how it instantly connects people, ideas, energy. Uhu got that laundry room sorted and spotless in less than an hour. I am truly in awe and inspired. Maybe I'll follow suit and finally refile my filing cabinet contents. Sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry. Next weekend perhaps? Um, no, that 's reserved for an entirely different project. Her name is Mar.

just call me angel in the morning

What a weekend it has been so far! This one had a decidedly Karaoke type of theme going on... My favorite singing lawyer was in a movie that premiered today - the only film of the festival that sold out! So there's another showing, Thursday at @ 4 @ the Plaza, if you're interested in laughing your face off. We've enjoyed copious amounts of sushi, bootlegged baileys in our hot chocolate, a surprise visit for a good hug (or three), and some yummy asparagus salmon cheese omelette action. Oh, and can't forget the 90 minutes of *free* thai massage. I am such a lucky biene.

a scotch, two whiskeys and a beer

Please excuse the lack of a post yesterday,those of you who are regular readers and who may have gotten used to the regularness of late. Ha. Who am I kidding? Actually, I do have some (a couple... hi shan!) frequent visitors, and few more infrequent ones. Can't tell right now cause my counter thing is kaputt.

There was a good reason for the lack of a post. I was too busy getting my mom schloshed (is that even actually a word and is that how you spell it?) and enjoying an excellent dinner here, prepared and served by my dear precious sweet Uhu. Who is not only an excellent cook, but the biggest charmer in the West- he had mommy dearest effortlessly wrapped around his little finger!

A fine evening (and a bottle of wine) was had by all (each ~ hic!). Yes, we had three- two whites and a red. On a Thursday night. Why the hell not. Tucked the Mama with her doggies in for a nap and headed over to the lounge (read: couches in garage) next door to lounge with my lovely neighbour lady. All that place needs is a lava lamp and it's perfection, I'm tellin ya!

Sat and giggled with her and the U man till way past my bedtime, recalling stories of Oktoberfests past, among other adventures in Munich. I have recently 'found' a German speaking group, and an Oktoberfest here in Cowtown to go to. Seriously thinking of breaking out the dirndl. Seriously though, it will be nice to have a Stammtisch again, as I did living in Germany with my English speaking group. Miss those guys.

Prost! Und eins, zwei, drei, 'gsouffa!

early and blurry HNT

this one's called 'my fav freckle'... Can you see it? This is also one of my fav necklaces- bought it in Banff the fateful weekend of the breakup in May. My massage therapist told me that my heart chakra was blocked and I should wear some rose quartz close to it.

It feels pretty open now. Sure, it has had its strings tugged on a few times since, and I think it must be the origin of all the maternal instincts and occasional longing type feelings... It sure got a good workout this past week and a half, with all of the goings on in the crib. Explosions of emotions, all around. But we have learned to survive, me and my heart. Some times the love comes out tougher than usual, but it's all a process towards healing. And kepping the family together. N'est ce pas? Funny, my twist on the 'it's not you, it's me' speech I delivered yesterday came out 'my heart's just not in it'. Nope, it's too busy over here, lovin' the fam.

holy groceries, batman

I have this cycle of emotions I go through just about every time I go grocery shopping.
It's pretty complex yet pretty simple at the same time.

I kinda dread going lately, 'cause life's suddenly gotten really expensive recently for various reasons (the least of which that *ouch* unplanned for car repair bill from the un\fortunate Kelowna gas pump incident.

Then I say damn it! Ya need to eat, right?

And the various items from the list you've been composing in your head get checked off, one by one. There's always a few surprises, the spice of life so zu sagen, but mostly it's good, healthy food that goes in the cart (you know you mean business if it's not just the little red basket that you end up grabbing at the door). Then, after laying out *gulp* over a hundred dollars, a grilled veggie burger in my tummy, and a leisurely drive home, I have this.

sauerkraut raisins branflakes maplesyrup yoghurt salsa eggs celery carrots trailmix freshcilantro tomatoes *batteries* toothbrushes tea tea tea tea (two for one) 12grainbread waffles fishoilcapsules pastasauce x2 beans chickpeas naturalpeanutbutter redpepper snowpeas apples avocados brownrice juice WHEW!

Porcelain

razzberry stoli & cc cookies
if you answered
"what's for dinner?"
you'd be right

the after yoga feeling
tainted with the heavy
dear john task
over the phone

crumb collector
as the green runs out
never
just as inspired?

someone lit a fire
attached those wheels
to my feet
and a hot air balloon to my heart

a 'meme' cause I hate that word!

Ten Years Ago: I was 21, already married two years, living in small town Germany, still working at the bakery, I think. I may still have had my almost waist length hair, and ALL of my innocence.

Five Years Ago: The year 2000 was a very turbulent one. I know that we celebrated New Years in Amsterdam (and the year before, and the year after). I had left my husband earlier this year, and spent almost 8 months moving around Munich ~5 different places~ whew! I was finishing school and starting my career here . It was around this time that he finally got his Canadian Visa, and we got back together and started preparations for our move here.

One Year Ago: I was already six months in to my new job (finally back doing what I went to school for), my heart nicely healed from the last time it got broken. ***Oh my Goodness!!! Yesterday was my one year Blog anniversary!!!*** I had just met my Kat, and was still glowing from my fabulous Labour day weekend extravaganza in Vancouver.

Five Snacks: healthy or not healthy? Chocolate ~any kind~, Wine Gums, Oreos, Dried Fruit, popcorn

Five Things I would do with $100 Million: give a couple to each member of my family (birth and urban), donate a bunch to charity (especially hurricane relief), travel the world, open my yoga retreat on the Okanogan, hmmm that’s it!

Five places to run away to: Naramata, PEI, Amsterdam, Greece, New Zealand

Five Things I would never wear: white shoes after Labour day, camouflage, a watch, stilettos, fur

Five Favourite shows: ever? 21 Jump Street, ER, Ally McBeal… The Simpsons and Friends are probably the only ones I can tolerate now (pretty sad, I know).

Five Biggest Joys: the feeling I have after a yoga class, holding a brand new baby, getting flowers, hearing from old friends, falling in love

Five Favourite Toys: Barney! (my own X rated purple friend), online radio, my rollerblades, bubble blower, hmmm I need more toys!

Now you!

weekend rejuvination

It might be easier to start with the *freshly baked* oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and work my way backwards.

Wrote a ttd list dated two days ago and just realized that I got 5 out of the 6 things on it done. Wahoo!

Hmm. Maybe I will start at the beginning (which is a very good place to start, actually). In a crumpled heap in my Kat's arms, sobbing because the jar of broken salsa on the kitchen floor was the straw that finally broke this camel's back. Funny how it's usually a little thing (spilt milk) that will send you over the edge.

She provided a much needed cuddle, and sent me out the door twenty minutes later with her rollerblades on my feet (and wristguards, I'm not completely nuts, people). This proved to be exactly the ticket, and I wondered to myself (after picking myself up and dusting myself off after the first ~and only~ crash down the big hill into the park) why I hadn't been out blading here before, during the whole year and a half I have lived here.

Back home and bathed in lavender, I felt 100% more me. Thus induced the string of events which have brought me to this Sunday evening (now Monday day), taking a moment to reflect upon them...

Two more walks in the 'hood to soak up some much needed vitamin D... Some play therapy on the first, with a pause by the monkey bars and swings. Some errands on the second, with a trip to the post office and a long overdue visit to the incredible middle eastern deli.

We feasted on take-out Tabouli, Hummus, Spanokopita, Stuffed wine leaves, olives, tzaziki. Mmmmmm. I could still taste the garlic this morning. But that's okay, cause my two (yes, two) dates happened well before the breath altering experience that was lunch.

We watched a whole bunch of silly movies, and I completed my first freelance wedding reception decoration gig. Rewarded myself with a set of dark blue flannel sheets. Oh so comfy... wish I could crawl back between them right now, in fact.

This Monday would suck, except for the free sushi lunch I had (the first perk that came from being a part of the company's Christmas party planning committee). Hmm. That's the third mention of food in one post. Am I becomming a foodie?

Laurel's fav quote:

just remember.... the harder you fall.. the higher you will bounce!!!

How the urban family needed to hear this today. Recent events have made it really difficult to gather thoughts to put into post form. Sufficient to say, there's gonna be a whole lotta recovering going on. With the help of a lotta love love love.

can we get any more introspective than this?

Today's horoscope:

It is a long road to becoming exactly the person you want to be, SG. Remember that you can't change who you are. Input from every person you know, and lessons from every bump in the road all contribute to who you are as a person. Be proud of yourself, but also realize that there is a great deal more developing that needs to be done on an internal level. Meditate or just stick to yourself for a little while to go inward.

Many rivers to cross

The feeling that I was precisely where I should be washed over me as I drove up the winding road to Lake Minnewanka. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. How come it’s so easy to forget that simple procedure?

A sure sign that I have been stressed lately: the insides of my cheeks are raw from chewing on them. This is a rather new habit- observed over the past two or three months. And a lot of jaw clenching.

I am a person who believes that different ailments/illnesses relate directly to life situations/conflicts. Shoulders hurt? You’re taking on too much responsibility. Stomach pains? You’re sick from worry & have unspoken relationship tension. My firmly shut mouth speaks volumes that I am not.

Maybe it’s time to get verbal?

Holding it all inside really only makes it worse. Und sauer! It’s time to be wisely honest with myself, and clear those cobwebs once and for all. Make something of myself during this time spent on earth- contribute while at the same time being true to my truest inner self.

I have paused here (and paused, and paused due to a couple of Mountain Goat jams) to gather and make note of these thoughts that have floated into my mind, as I drink in all of the beauty of the Lake and mountains that surround me.

Although I had anticipated bad news from the Doctors office today, there was a twist for the worse in store for me.

I feel like a puppy that has been kicked, whimpering, crawling into my safe spot for peace, shelter and to heal. I feel like staying in this place for an extended period of time. I’m so shattered to the core that it’s going to take me a very long time to pick up these pieces.

Realistically, I know I can’t hide out here in the protection of the mountains forever (although it is such a tempting and comforting thought). I have to return to the city, to my job and my life and live day to day adding more and more of the things that make me happy to it.

Spending time with friends and family, yoga, soccer, working out regularly, taking bubble baths, preparing healthful food and sharing it with my urban family.

I feel their support, even all the way out here. And I’m deeply thankful for the soft place to land that lovingly awaits me upon my return.

But for now, as the raindrops landing on the windshield multiply, I’ll head back down the winding road into the semi-civilization of the township (I used to call it Disneyland) and cook up a lovely scallop veggie teriyaki vermicelli stir fy to accompany our lovely red wine. My Banfite Butt-saver (how I *heart* you, babe!) and I are going to dine, read our fairy cards, and if I’m lucky, she’ll work on some of those lumps in my back a little…

groovin tuesday *Show Me LOVE*

Peace has returned to the valley. It's a (strangely) smoke free evening, hangin' out collaging with my Kat. All very low key, chicken noodles for supper, crossing my fingers that this scratchy throat won't turn into a full blown cold. Please, not before the weekend of the biggest tournament of the year (and my chance to make an extra month's rent in three days). Gotta be on my game for that one, for shizzle.

We've got 'back to the 90's' on the good old internet radio, and it's one of those moments where the song's lyrics apply... Good vibrations. Yup. You create your own reality, and we have regained the happy flow. Lisa Stansfield, Paula Abdul, it's a flashback sing along night.

Off to the mountains for a few days (it was Sharon Stone who said "and if you feel good, then make sure you do the things that make you stay happy. Do what makes you feel genuinely happy and loved"). So I'm gonna.


this was taken last week when I finally figured the webcam out. I call it "Sass figures it out". Yup, them be pigtales in my hair- I had just gotten off the soccer field.

adventures in mountain goat land

Have you ever butted heads with someone, simply because you were each trying to love eachother in the best way you knew how?

That's when you call in the super-glue Mr. Uhu to the rescue. In fact, his services were required by the neighbours this evening as well, but that's whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother time.

It has been an extremely exhausting day, emotionally. But it's safe to say that all is now well again under our roof, and the lessons have been duly learned. It's extremely helpful to have a third 'innocent bystander' there to analyze and explain the situation from his (incredibly astute and accurate) point of view.

The bee has been stung herself, and will now be more careful with her wordage in the future , lest it come out sounding motherly. Grasshopper has discovered that not everyone can jump as high as she can. What a shame that the others stuck down below have to miss this view! She has so much love and energy to bring forth into the world, and is just searching for the right field to land in.

The one constant is that there's love all around. Love love love. All around and through us, floating through both floors of this house we're (somewhat painstakingly, at the moment) making into our home.

Love IS all you need.

snapshots of wisdom

One of the best things about cleaning out junk drawers is finding all the junk YOU decided was treasure, at some point in your life. Another good side effect is a clearing of the cobwebs of the mind. Once I finally stopped the procrastination yesterday, I sat down and got it all sorted in about 4 1/2 hours. Including a few manditory 'inspirational' breaks, of course, and a bit of a lie down and chit chat on the blankie in the backyard while it was still sunny.

Here are a few of the bits and pieces I came accross and put into a nice little BLUE (color of Sept, doncha know) box :

According to a 'keepsake card' with my real name on it, it means I enjoy captivating my audience. My curiosity makes me one who desires to know things and I have an artistic nature. I give joy and comfort to all around me, I am quite a character. I'll give a helping hand or a friendly smile. Others call me a wise one for my knowledge and I am full of drive.

The card was a gift from my far away Louise, and I agree with everything except the last point. Mind you, it doesn't specify what kind of drive, does it? I'd say it's the scenic drive to Shedonism, these days.


There's a temporary tatto that says "ALOHA" in colourful sparkly letters. Mark it down on the Halloween costume idea list.

More temp tattoos- red Maple leaves.

The brochure from the Van Aquarium is in there, upon which I wrote this poem.

A photocopied little square of paper my yoga teacher sent me, entitled:

Take a breather
......................
A Breath of Fresh Air

Wanna know what it says? Tough, I'm gonna write it anyways.

The quality of the air you breathe is important. Get outside at every opportunity. Think how wonderful it feels to breathe in air from a pine forest or from a salty ocean breeze.

Put plants and flowers in your house. Remember they put out oxygen.

Every day, even in sub-zero temperatures, air out your house for a few minutes. This means opening a couple of windows. The good news for those afraid of heating bills is fresh air heats a lot faster than recycled air.

I think that's enough wisdom emparting for now.

Tomorrow: the merging of the files. Oooh, how exciting.

Procrastination tactic #1

How many countries have you visited?

9% 21 countries


create your own visited countries map

long weekend goodness

Not even noon yet, and I'm up, showereddressedbreakfasted and ready to go! Not a great wonder, since I was awoken at eight (after only 4 hours of sleep) by a text message from one of the condenders. A few minus points there for sure...

My goal over the next three days is to get all of my filing/paperwork/junk drawers sorted. Unless life has other plans for me, that is. A trip to the mountains with freshly returned Kat may be in the works, to check out a job opportunity for her.

I love love love having three days off in a row. Doesn't happen that often as I work most Canadian holidays. It looks as though the weather will be nice too- I'm heading out soon to check out a few open houses with the Mama. As soon as I have that first drawer cleaned out!! *put a little prayer that the organizational fairies are working with me here*

Uhu's quote of the night

Laundry quandries in the urban crib:

"I had to give Whitney my Dickies"

The moral of the story is: when you commit to it, follow through.

tied cause the ref sucked

my msn name as of late.

Wow, it's midnight. Time flies when you're kicking butt on the soccer field, catching up with Miss K and completing various beauty treatments (toe polish looks a little blackish instead of purple, oops).

Well, my IIFs, I finally did it. And it really wasn't that hard. I figured out how the nifty webcam works! And thus, I present to you, my first ever self-taken (with the help of Kat's mouseclick) digital image, broadcast within minutes of having 'figured it out'.

This doesn't really do the henna art justice- I got it done Saturday afternoon at the Stagette I attended, and it'll last about 2-3 weeks. The lovely and ever so talented Ms L did the art, on myself and the other lovelies in attendance. Then we took ourselves for a wonderful meal at a Turkish restaurant, where I had more memories & flashbacks than you can shake a stick at (having had turkish in-laws for eight or nine years).

That ceramic round thing (does it have a specific name? I do not know) is also from Turkey, one of the only souvenirs I brought back with me from my trip in '95. 10 years ago. Time does fly. And life just keeps getting better & better.

Good to have you home, Grasshopper!

Gemini horoscope this week sayz

FOR THE WEEK OF AUGUST 28 - 3, 2005

Every nerve in your body should tell you that a work or domestic project is about to take off and the odds for success are great. Unfortunately, you have to deal with a touchy personal situation. On the 28th, quiet your restless heart, and an intuitive and loving aspect will give you the answer.

a most curious kind of mood

here it is. and here we have it.

I feel like I have woken up from a long winter's nap, pardon the expression.

Actually, what I did when I awoke this morning was my a.m. yoga tape. It's Monday, I had a good solid seven hours, and I was ready to get up this morning (ok, maybe after five or ten minutes of turning over and nuzzling the covers and pillows a wee bit more). I do like mornings, but I need a bit of preparation time before the actually feet hit the floor. The lure of a spot of green tea comes in handy, too.

Tomorrow morning I'm hiking the stairs with my walking buddy. I highly recommend one of these, if you're trying to get into a routine of any kind. The encouragement you receive from eachother is so incredibly motivating- and you feel bound by some kind of pact to meet up (it sucks letting anyone down) so you get up when the alarm goes at a little before seven with a smile, and eagerly pull on your sweats and double sports bra combo.

I'm thinking this mood must have at least a little something to do with all of the engineering students I observed/weaved through on my shortcut through the college campus (it's faster to go through rather than around on my way to work). Ah, the first day of school. Remember that feeling?

I love how the fall inspires a sense of newness, of turning over a new leaf, if you will allow. I love both newness and being inspired, so it's no wonder that there's a *spring* in my step as I contemplate my new spot at the north facing window on the third and the conclusion of the summer of infinite possibility.

it's a weekend

that's what I just changed my msn name to.

and... exhale. I woke up this morning, my eyes swollen shut. Turns out the duvet on the bed contains those pesky feather type things. Humph. And now, I am in charge of one *more* charge, my mom's needy border collie while she has a garage sale and shows her house this weekend. I have always looked up to me Ma, and right now is no different. She is transitioning so gracefully into her semi-retirement, downsizing her huge home for one a third its size, practically liquidating all of her posessions within weeks in order to fit. She is embracing this next stage of her life joyfully, and her only concern seems to be about getting bored. I suggested some new hobbies...

I've just popped home to deliver Abby to the ever patient Uhu, who has agreed to look after her for the night as we found her completely incompatible with the other two munchkins (big surprise). Then it's back my comfy pad in the 'burbs, for one more night of Luxusism. Is that related to Shedonism? Something tells me it is.

Tomorrow brings a stagette complete with henna tattoos, turkish food and belly dancers. Sounds like a good time to me. It's all about the she power these days.

Happy HNT!

Here we have part of my legs. This was on the boat on the lake on the night we got stuck, but didn't really mind being stick cause we got to go on the boat on the lake!! Just be thankful I cropped *most* of the monster thighs out in Photoshop... the picture in its full glory is going up on the fridge as motivation. 5 months from today I'll be on a beach in the Dominican and I guarantee they're going going to be smaller!!

dog hair, dog shit, itchy eyes - - a meal to die for

~title remotely provided by Uhu~

Day 2 here at camp Luxus. And man, did the girlz and I <dine> this eve.

Scampi, Scallops, Goats cheese and fresh basil in the salad (actually, my only grocery contribution) and one of our all time favorites, Spanokopita.

The company was equally as delicious. C & S (aka Becky, she of the Farmer Joe marrying kind) kindly joined me this evening for a dinnah fit for Queens. The three of us attended college together *gulp* 11 years ago, and have remained close over the years. One of the highlights of our bond saw both girls taking nannying jobs for a few months (of varying degrees of success) in the small town in Bavaria,Germany where was I living in the spring/summer of '95.

We usually go for either Indian or Greek, about once or twice a year, and have a good chat and chow down. Tonight was no exception, and I was glad to play hostess in this castle while we laughed, caught up and talked about making plans for a trip to either Vegas or NY before their respective families (and perhaps my own?) get underway.

I am thankful for good girlfriends tonight.

Not so much the allergies kicking up and creatures being naughty. But I'll deal.

Now 'scuse me, while I go jacuzz.

livin large in the lap of lux

I pull up to the house and swing around into my ususal parking spot. The key sticks a little in the lock and I have to jiggle it around a bit when the dogs start to bark. I pile in the door juggling my grocery bag of groceries, a bag of shoes and my purse in one hand and Kat's big blue bag over my other shoulder. Making sure I have all chewables up on the counter, I venture into the laundry room and let the little guys out of their kennels and open the back door so they can run and yap around the back yard. Then, of course, they get served their kibble.

I decide to take a look around all the rooms, taking my stuff upstairs to the guest room , finding a neatly stacked pile of towels on the bed. After ridding its surface of about a thousand ~useless~ throw pillows and a couple of evil feather filled ones, I unpack my own pillow. I take the taupe towels into the bathroom and line the counter with my 'essentials'. This is really starting to feel like a little vacation.

I take a stroll down to the walk out basement, where the home gym equipment and a computer with high speed internet await me. The dogs run around excitedly, and I have to stop for cuddles and allow them to sniff me fully (it has been a few months since my last stay).

I glance through the overfilled fridge/freezer/pantry and make a mental note for tomorrow's menu with S & C (and ideas for the rest of the week). Not to mention the fully stocked liquor cabinet...(the lady of the house just won a city-wide martini contest for which she apparently experimented like a mad/drunk scientist). The possibilities are endless, and the smile on my face spreads as I find the cheque made out to me on the counter (which will more or less bring me back into the black... thank goodness). My smile continues as I find the switch to the gas fireplace on the living room wall, and light a yummy smelling candle.

I spend the majority of the evening curled up on the rug in front of the fire, flipping through the patronizing stupidity that is television today (people swapping wives, Tommy going to college, Auditions for a new Michael Hutchence... now I know why I never turn the damn thing on). It thouroughly sucked me in, and truthfully it was nice to vegetate in little mindlessness as I settled into the first night of my stay at this beautiful mansion.

May I say something? Housesitting. Rocks. My. World.

It's Monday and I wish I were here:

heart·ache noun : anguish of mind : sorrow

Main Entry: in·teg·ri·ty
Function: noun
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY

I finally brought a matter of the heart to its painful but inevitable conclusion tonight. Looked cold hard facts in the eye and didn't look away. A staring contest with my weaker self so to say. I sure don't feel like a winner right now. More like a downtrodden, multiple wrings through the wringer, vulnerable pile of shaky mess.

Somewhere down deep the ever present wise calmness nods her head in silent approval. A long time coming, and a lot of unnecessary distress has lead me to these familiar crossroads, and the time had come to choose the path and keep marchin on. Forward. Solo. Strong. Being true to and honouring myself, at last.

Would someone please kindly tell my heart that it's gonna be ok?

mid weekend pause and reflect (otherwise known as procrastination)

This weekend's theme should be 'things don't always go according to plan'. Eh. Deal with it, right? Roll with those punches.

I'm halfway through a major turn-everything-on-its-head cleaning rampage, and I've taken a few (very deserved) breaks along the way...

I'm sifting through the many many internet radio stations at the wandering click of my mouse. So far today, we've hit some seriously old funk in Soulsville, one with the intriguing name of 'Shake Jugs, not Babies' from Nova Scotia promising blues, uk garage & downtempo, and right now we've got Soulgood/Streetlevel, Tribal & Funky House, UK Garage, from South Australia.

oh, how i *heart* djs.

Been wanting to write that for a couple days. 'nother story for 'nother time. :)

I was talking about plans that get distorted and now instead of option a) or b), c) came up as a possibility and then not. So, too late for a) I guess it's b) unless something more intruiging should arise. Oh, it kinda makes your head spin a little. Maybe option d) staying home and getting your shit done shoulda been the plan all along. Certainly the easiest plan, seeing as though my car had to stay and extra night in the repair shop due to a problem that was discovered during the test drive.

However, that situation has made any possible plans on Sunday that include *driving* to reach my destination (for example, visit my big sis & nephews who live a half hour south) pas possible.
That's where a spontanious nature comes in mighty handy. And the C-Train. I get to accomplish c) after all! Find a townhouse suitable for me ma who is in the process of downsizing. It happens I really enjoy open houses (and the chance to help her pick a new abode out).

Now, back to the regularly scheduled program... ridding the crib of dust bunnies!

a) attending Reggae fest. Also ruled out due to lack of funds :(
b) going for yet more b-day drinks with sis as she hands the baton over to B, the next bday gal
c) house shopping with the mama

Hump Day Revisited

My neighbourliest neighbour just got home, she'll be over in a minute. It seems there may be a wee crisis in her life, regarding work. I MSN'd her this aft to ask her how the chicken wings she 'aquired' off the new boy tasted. She was right in the middle of a rather serious phone conversation and asked me if I'd type some kind of statement for her tonight and we'd arranged to meet up after my yoga class.
...

L8tr, now a few hours have passed, much exchange of thought has been tossed around my living room and her garage turned poker salon (that reminds me, I have to set up a game with the boys soon). It's so good to have neighbours that you can have good exchanges of thought with. She's home in her home now, and me in mine, and I'm singing along to the dixie chicks and picking the fudge chunks out of a carton of Black Cherry Amaretto Frozen Yoghurt. YUM! I want to go for a swim in this container. It's just so awesome to discover a treat that deals with so many of my cravings at once. :)

So yes, it was a more direct route to my happy place today. Due partly to the fact that it's hump day. There's at least 10 points for you right there. The weather has been absolutely dismal, especially for August but let's not go there. Let's think hot, sunny, sizzling thoughts so we glow from the inside. I've made several trips on the green bike up and down the hill to work getting soggy and chilled (my baby is in the shop this week), not to mention the hour and a half romp on the field yesterday, just slaughtering the other team 8-1. Yeah, baby!

HNT ze German version

Ok, ok, so I still don't have my webcam functional at home... I have no connection to the internet at the moment, either (I'm hoping it has nothing to do with the gay sites my dearest Uhu has been visiting).

Anyway, this is my contribution this week. It's from last fall, when I had to go directly to the German Canadian Club to work straight from the office. This is my favorite Dirndl (I have about 3 or 4), given to me by my aunt Brunhilde. Yes, that's really her name. I used to wear it to work in at the cafe on Tegernsee, at the tender age of 18. Still fits! Heh.

Yes, that's a hula hoop in the bottom left hand corner :)

Moody much?

Your Mood Ring is Yellow

Imaginative Wondering Thoughts Peaceful

Mood Ring Generator

it flows

It took me a little while to reach my happy place tonight.

Could have been due to the soggy and freezing mess I was after getting off the soccer field.

That weird ass strange indigestion mixed with vertigo feeling I have been feeling for the past week.

My (where the hell have you been and you call yourself my FRIEND?) who finally showed up.

Whatever. As long as I found it. In a mug of dark hot chocolate, a fuzzy sweater, my flannel pooh pj bottoms, a little soul soothing music, and I've found Sassy again.

To sleep and sleep in as long as I want!

I got an email from my room/soul mate this morning (who is away being her goddess self touring around ze Germans) and thought I'd share our correspondance:

Hello Biene,

Was wondering if you were missing me at all? Well I am missing you a ton!

It's late and I just wanted to write a few lines to tell you that i am thinking of you and wondering if you have had yu . yet?? Just wondering......

I think that I could be ready to start a family.

Well lots to share but I have a really busy day tomorrow so I will have to tell you all later.

I love you and I am thinking of you all the time~!


to which I responded:


Hello Grasshopper!

Of course of course of course I'm thinking about you all the time and missing you like crazy. I was both gleeful and deeply moved as I read your email this morning. I feel in my heart that you are ok, that life is presenting its challenges, but that you are meeting them head on, like the true warrior princess that you are.

Life careens forward here at the urban crib. Feels like this summer is just zipping by, in a series of sun and rain filled days. Nonstop dashing from bed to office to penguin suited events, with some quality time with Uhu thrown in for good measure. He has fed me the past two nights, and showed up with Red Lobster leftovers tonight- garlic shrimp, mashed potatoes and those melt-in-your-mouth cheese scone things they make. YUM.

Speaking of nourishment, we now have the cleanest fridge in all of the northwest. In a spree (it was more like a tazmanian devil whirlwind) of domestic domesticatedness, it was cleared out and cleaned 'the german way' within an inch of its life. I didn't know there was black cherry jam in there! One has to wonder if possible impending motherhood inspired my wacky snacking/grazing on brie & crackers, pickled beets, picked herring, those melted chocolate cookies you left in there, blueberries, a few little carrots and yes, pickles (I 'merged' your three jars into one, btw).

I'm due my . tomorrow and will certainly keep you updated at its arrival or lack thereof. I feel ready whatever may happen. Que sera, sera, as they say.

Love you, so much, and can't wait till you're back and we can enjoy a natural gingerale on the front steps together.

I'm headed for my {freshly made} bed. Oh, how I rock!
Speaking of which, we'll have to get a rocking chair...

to sleep, perchance to dream?

I'm so wiped I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Got home, lay down on the couch for ... a few minutes and end up inadvertedly taking a (much needed) nap. Got up, looked at the clock, swore out loud cause I missed my yoga class. I could have really used it tonight, too. Crawled under the covers and slept another half hour.
Can we say TGIF tomorrow? Oh yeah baby. Gotta looove the short weeks. Declined working another wedding Sat. I have visions of reorganizing the kitchen this weekend. We'll see if it happens.

Woke up to the sweet knocking and offerings of food from Uhu downstairs. He's borrowed my bike and is off depositing paycheques and picking me up some soya milk. Darling, darling boy. I think I'll adopt him.

It has gotten nasty cold outside- I actually put a pair of socks on and turned the furnace up. Struggling with trying to find some motivation to clean or tidy the abode and the need to go right back under those covers for some more zzzzzs. Coin toss perhaps?

HNT

I have a confession to make (I can just hear the collective Oh No!)
It's not that bad. It's just that I haven't had time to figure out how the webcam works yet so alas, there's no new pic this week.

These are my toes. On the end of a dock on South Pender Island. Pre-Pedicure, as you can see. I can't remember whether it was later this day or sometime the next when I got them done. What a treat that was, staying at a beautiful brand new resort at a staff rate (thanks, Jacquie!)

I have had a lot of lovely trips this year. Hopefully I'll have the other pics by next week (and figure out the cam too).

I'm home

Apparently, my boobs have grown.
That's the greeting I got from Uhu when I walked in the door.
Oh good lord, I really really hope not!

I have many blessings, this evening.

A safe return (thank you, Jules, I'll never neglect you again)
A new friend (hey Mo, fist me Baby!)
A fridge full of Okanogan goodness (cherries, nectarines, blue & black berries)
A nice shrimp stir fry prepared for me by my house sitter (so he let the plans die, oh well)
A sweet tan and a golden glow inside too :)

re cap

The sun has gone down. But not before I had the time of my life. This has been a weekend CHOC full of FUN FUN FUN and oh so very necessary escapism. I just happen to have one of the best sisters, EVER, to party with (toss in assorted Stingers and a D-girrl and you're good to go anywhere). She actually out-puffed the Sass yesterday,which I'm still surprised and shocked about, but you couldn't wipe the smile off of my face if you tried right now.

I'm at a complete loss at how to go about the re cap.

There were several extremely yummy salads, one with crab/avacado, one with goats cheese and I forget what else and one with shrimp. I love salads when it's too hot for anything else, you're sitting on a patio and sippin on somethin that accompanies it perfectly (tonight it was Freddy's own Honey Lager... and we had 5 litres at a time delivered to our table, in a big long bong-like dispenser).

Mmm the accompaniments these past sun soaked days... Strongbow on the boat (to match the yellow leather seats, for sure), Gewuertztraminer with the birthday dinner yesterday, gin and tonics last night when "nichts gehts mehr" occured.

Enough with the food & bev reviews, how was the ~scenery~?? Well, at a world class downhill biking competition, what else can you possibly expect but the finest of the fine? Our eyes (all seven sets) were treated to an array of beautifully toned hard core downhillers. In fact, in a scene that I felt should have been included in a Matrix film, we sat, humbled the only way I can attempt to explain the sitting on the pavement at the base of the hill, transfixed by the what seemed to be slow motion moving passers-by. A constant stream of talented, sweat and dust covered young men (and women, let's not forget the women!). My inner people watching fanatic was having a heyday. Or is it hayday? Ach, have another drink, SG!

I also have to highly recommend the staying-at-a-friends-house route, especially if you are low on funds in the first place and then get bitch slapped upside the head with an $800 repair bill halfway through. I have to say thanks and invite said friends to come to cowtown so I can return the favours.

For now, I have to say nice to have been places I have never been before (including to the top of the hill after a hilarious hot gondola boxed ride with aforementioned birthday having sister and D Girrl). Mind blowing scenery, I *heart* bc fruit, sweet sweet friends I get to have a date with once a year, new music lasting through the speakers, an afternoon spent on a blanket in the shade enjoying the breeze... Life just don't get better than this.

Okanogan Sunset

2 (or 3) fingers Southern Comfort
equal parts:
orange pineapple banana juice
sprite

notice the lack of anything red? (indicating that the sun is setting?)
It's beause you never want the sun to go down!!

a girl named Mo

I'm having the time of my life this gorgeous summer night in Kelowna. What the hell am I doing in Kelowna, you ask? Well, not only did we get a little sidetracked by my favorite winery (Summerhill), but Jules decided she wanted a little break, a reverse piggy back ride on a BIG-ass tow truck and a new fuel pump, no less.

So Mo, my new totally-on-the-same-wavelength buddy/roadtrip partner extrordianaire and I spent the evening hooking ourselves up with our new ride (an amazing 2005 dark green blazer with 3,500 kms on it) and learning how to wakeboard out on the beautiful Okanogan lake, topped off by a delicious dinner with a group of her friends at a restaurant we ~get this~ drove the boat to. Life just couldn't possibly get any better than this, even if we had planned it!

So here's to fruit stands, sunsets, warm summer nights, the gentle waves that rock the boat, and a surprisingly nice change of plans.

vay cay shun :)

done! done! done!

it feels SOOOO good to be done at last!

Already enjoying my second mango (now I know why they call it hard!) and the birthday girl and I are readying ourselves for a night out. Starting on a patio, so we can still catch the last rays of sunshine.

Then tomorrow, wake up, leave town!
I love it.

See all you lovelies on the other side

mellow's not even the word

Ok, so the bath never happened. I still feel as though I am levitating, at least a foot and a half off the ground. I have a funny feeling I should have checked my horoscope today, it would most certainly have been full of good things. Although I read something recently about Mercury being in retrograde and how that affects communications of all kinds... Hmmm one to ponder.

Another time. Right now I'm revelling in
- a new *very cute* skirt, given to me this eve as a gift from housematey #1, Uhu
- potato & cheddar perogies and sour cream with fresh pepper for dinnah
- a marvelously delicious hot date on Sat that yes, I'm driving 12 hours for
- the brilliant idea of giving my sis a spa day for two on Friday as a b-day gift
- the after effects of yoga and inverted poses, mango extra cider and this beautiful night...

nightnight

tiny bubbles

Another day at the grind is coming to a close. One more and I’m off to mountain paradise by the sea (and many many mountain biking boys). That makes Sassy smile. And almost forget about all my aches and pains, which there are an abundance of right now. Am I getting old? Or just working too much?

Whichever it is, tonight’s Yoga class should bring some much needed relief. Maybe even a bubble bath afterwards. I have a fully stocked fridge of bevies to choose from (stopped by the liquor store on my way home from the function on Sunday night- it amuses me to go shopping in my tux shirt and bow tie, it really does), so I can sip while I soak my worries away. Cause I know that worry is partially causing these knots in my neck & shoulders. And life’s too short for that. I declare the bathroom an anxiety-free zone.

Secretive? Not so much. The rest? Bang on.

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky. Like mother nature, you want to help everyone. You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive. A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker. You are good natured and people enjoy your company. You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Ok, so I knew I wasn't going to be having a weekend (I even wrote those exact words a few days back), but here it is Sunday noon and I have a panic on that I'm not going to be able to get anything done. Since I don't know how late tonight's shift at the family reuinion will be (some of the prime people watching will be had, for sure), and tomorrow begins my 3 day work week with all three evenings booked, I'm wondering when *everything else* is going to find time to get done before my trip begins Thursday. Where did I leave that magic wand?

Just called in to give myself a couple of extra hours. 'K, prioritize... should I tackle the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom? So far I have had some playtime, a cuppa green tea (with lemongrass), a shower, and I rolled down Jules' windows & opened the sunroof. Baby, it's HOT outside!!

Granted, I keep myself busy on purpose, and for valid reasons. But you do need balance. Good thing I can combine work with fun quite easily. Yesterday was a 100 person wedding reception in the backyard of the middle aged couple's home in a nearby town. Nice & laid back, these people were a pleasure to serve. Despite the heatwave we sweated through, it was a 'great event' in several ways: hangin out with E & Lee, enough extra nibblies, high praise AND cash tips!

Better continue gettin' my checklist checked before I have to leave. Uh oh, I think the plants need watering too...

in another life we were both cats

I attended a birthday party (one of a rash of thirtieths that have been breaking out recently) this lovely Summer's eve. Allie is a girl I came to know and share a happy symbiotic relationship with the year before last. A very old aquaintance (our moms were friends when we were wee) mentioned A's plight with finding someone to sublet her *very cool* Mission apartment (half of the bottom of an old, funky house) for a few months and possibly take over some furniture, real cheap. I was a girl desparate to get outta her mom's basement in the 'burbs with not a whole lot of baggage, furniture wise (I had moved back to Canada from Germany and started from scratch a few years prior). So me and Allie struck a deal.

She has since returned from her traipsing around the US, South America, Montreal, oh, I've plumb lost track... and has reintegrated herself nicely into the ever fascinating Ramsay/Inglewood community. I loved each and every one of the colourful cast of characters I encountered tonight, and quite enjoyed the diversity of the entity gathered in her petite back yard. Teelights in stained glass holders, a fire going in the pit, it was at once lively and mellow, celebratory and familiar.

Another strange cosmic connection that A & I unknowingly share are mutual friends ~ at her last get-together I ran into my first crush from grade 3 (the infamous DJ who consequensly ended up rocking my housewarming partee back in March). Tonight it was an old flame, and as it turns out, one who used to stoke her fire as well. The universe sometimes works in mysterious ways, doesn't it? Small world indeed...

Calling all Lurkers!

Well hello there!

According to my handy dandy tracking device, there were 28 of y'all who stopped by yesterday (a personal record here in the Kingdom of Sass ~ Yay!)

But I'm just so curious about who you are and where you're from...
Would you mind leaving a little comment for little 'ol me? Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles on top? Thanks! (and thanks, T, for the use of your beautiful pic).

Happy Weekend!